Sunday, February 12, 2006

Spotlight on "Neon Phosphor"

If you're a diehard Tonics fan, you know that I was once a song. But you don't have to be Jimi Martinez to know what I'm talking about. I am still available for download on Sculpted Static's Soundclick page.

Sculpted Static's first album, Sound Check, was about to get mastered when Mark vetoed "Lost Child." Mark wanted to record a new composition, "Velvet Ropes," to replace the ill-fated atmospheric Radiohead impersonation. But then Mark got the cold or something, and missed the recording session. Left without a song, Arta and Steven jammed me up on the spot, and gave me ridiculous lyrics like "He slips back... all alone inside/ With the liquor he borrowed from the convenient store./ Oh, it was so convenient." Another line was lifted from the Longman English Dictionary: "He said people/ Who torture people/ Are the scum of the earth." Incidentally, the same dictionary provides the following usage sample of "fuck": "I got my fucking foot fucking caught in the fucking chair, didn't I?"

So, anyway, Arta and Steven poured a lot of wall of sound shit over me. Flutes, organs, recorders, five-part guitars. Steven used his old computer mic for his vocals because Mark had conveniently borrowed the $30 RadioShack mic. The result was an overproduced, unlistenable heap of shit.

But that's when the reviews started pouring in. "Neon Phosphor" became everyone's favorite song on the album. On the other hand, the obvious hits ("Narc," "Telegraph Avenue," "Mad Men") caught no one's attention. Well, except Jimi, who still swears by "Mad Men." The band was really confused.

There's a happy ending, though. Recently, my chords and guitar riff were cannibalized for the vastly superior "Elegy For Anne Bancroft." Score one for the good guys and Neon Phosphor.

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