Friday, November 18, 2005

An exclusive interview with "ShoppingBuddy"

NP: I AM NEON PHOSPHOR.

SB: Welcome. Now you can search for products with AOLShopping. Type main to get started. To read our privacy policy, type privacy anytime.

NP: HUH? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SB: I don't respond to that kind of language. I'm here to help you shop.

NP: FINE. NEON PHOSPHOR WANTS A BRAND NEW GUITAR.

SB: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec... - Search results for FINE NEON PHOSPHOR WANTS BRAND GUITAR/ - Thomastik PB109 Light Power Brigh [$9.99]/ - Fodera Custom 6 String Set, .028- [$39.99]/ Here are some related categories: 1. Instrument Strings, 2. Musical Instruments & Accessories, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.

NP: WHAT THE HELL? FIND ME A FENDER LES PAUL.

SB: Good grief, I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.

NP: OH, FUCK YOU! WHO PROGRAMMED YOU, YOU PROGRAMMERFUCKER?

SB: Hey -- clean up the language and get serious. I'm happy to help but can't deal with that mouth.

NP: IT'S IRONIC THAT YOU SOUND MOST ARTICULATE WHEN YOU DEAL WITH MY VERBAL ABUSE.

SB: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec.../- Search results for IRONIC SOUND ARTICULATE DEAL VERBAL ABUSE/- Raw Deal [$9.01 - $12.95]/Here are some related categories: 1. Miscellaneous Non-Fiction Books, 2. Books & Magazines, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.

NP: LIKE I SAID, YOU'RE A STUPID IDIOT.

SB: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec.../- Search results for SAID STUPID IDIOT/- Bah Humbug! [$7.96]/Here are some related categories: 1. Miscellaneous Books, 2. Books & Magazines, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.

NP: YOU SUCK, MAN. WHERE'S MY FENDER LES PAUL?

SB: Clean it up a little -- this is a family bot.

NP: I WANT A FENDER LES PAUL.

SB: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec.../- Search results for FENDER LES PAUL/- Fender Bassman 150 1x12' Bass Com [$429.99]/Here are some related categories: 1. Musical Instrument Amplifiers, 2. Musical Instruments & Accessories, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.

NP: I'M BORED OF THIS GAME. WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?

SB: Indeed

NP: INDEED, WHAT?

SB: Mm hm.

NP: ANSWER MY QUESTION!

SB: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec.../- Search results for ANSWER QUESTION/- Map of the World Jigsaw Puzzle [$14.98]/- Yu-Gi-Oh! Rise of Destiny Special [$9.99]/- The Sesame Street Question and An [$2.95]/- Question and Answer Book of Space [$1.84]/- The Kids' Fun-Filled Question & A [$3.52]/- More Dirty Minds Game [$16.98]/- Dirty Minds Game [$15.98]/- Jeopardy Game 41221 [$13.77]/- Shock Box! Game [$27.98]/Here are some related categories: 1. Games & Puzzles, 2. Games Books, 3. Business & Economics Books, 4. Miscellaneous Non-Fiction Books, 5. Religion Books, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.

NP: I GIVE UP.

SB: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec.../I didn't find any good matches 4 U but may I ask you a question?

NP: I DON'T KNOW, MAN. WHO'S INTERVIEWING WHOM?

SB: Still wondering what to get for someone special?

NP: HMM... DO YOU MEAN SOMEONE "SO FUCKING" SPECIAL?

SB: OK, I'm searching for matches 4 U. Gimme a sec.../- Search results for HMM MEAN FUCKING SPECIAL/- Harman Kardon Soundsticks II Spea [$109.60 - $199.00]/- JBL Creature II Speakers [$64.88 - $99.99]/- JBL Duet Speakers [$33.94 - $59.99]/- C&C California Dare Devil Cashmer [$141.00]/- Um Hmm [$12.31 - $19.95]/- Hmm? [$6.01 - $14.95]/- Juicy Couture Shirred Velour Pant [$98.00]/- Taintor Journal [$6.97 - $9.95]/- Burton Snowboards Tether Lock [$9.95]/Here are some related categories: 1. Computer Speakers, 2. Women's Sweaters/Vests, 3. Miscellaneous Non-Fiction Books, 4. Women's Pants, 5. Snowboarding Equipment, etc. Type in the number to use the related category.

NP: GOODBYE. YOU'RE USELESS.

SB: C ya.

No comments: