An exclusive interview with Steven Chow

NP: I AM NEON PHOSPHOR.

SC: who the hell are you, my conscience?

NP: SILENCE, I AM ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE. FIRST, IS THERE A NEW ALBUM AND CAN YOU GIVE ME ANY DETAILS ABOUT IT?

SC: i'm going to get into trouble for this, but here is the tracklist: 1. How Should I Begin? 2. Lucy's Revenge Pt. Two, 3. I Scream Tuesday, 4. Lucy's Revenge Pt. One, 5. Eruption (Van Halen cover), 6. Fuck B--h (in D# minor), 7. Never Mind, Horatio, I'm Dead, 8. 1983, 9. I Love My Style, His Royal Highness, 10. Ode To Wikipedia, 11. Murder On The Acela Express, 12. Thanks Again.

NP: EXCELLENT. THE WORLD WILL BE PLEASED TO HEAR THAT. SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING TO LATELY?

SC: stereolab, for their synth work and pop melodies. i've been obsessively collecting their cds. i've also been listening to the beatles from 67 and 68. specifically magical mystery tour and the white album.

NP: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE WAR?

SC: i'm against it.

An exclusive interview with Mark Williams

NP: I AM NEON PHOSPHOR.

MW: hey phos

NP: LONG TIME NO CHAT. HOW'S IT GOING?

MW: it's going. dragging my heels through my last quarter as an undergrad

NP: CONGRATULATIONS. AND HOW ARE THINGS GOING WITH THE BAND?

MW: not as slow, but hard by it. having said that, we knocked out the basic tracks for "our house" and it sounds amazing so far

NP: YEAH? ARE YOU RECORDING A NEW ALBUM ALREADY?

MW: in some capacity. we're definitely back on the recording wagon. though you're reasonably surprised, what with the recent minting of 50 copies of "get things done," whose box arta's using as a laptop stand, i think

NP: IS THE NEW ALBUM GOING TO SOUND LIKE "GET THINGS DONE" OR WILL IT BE A NEW DIRECTION FOR THE BAND?

MW: well, all the current songs aren't well defined right now, so it's hard to say. but i have a feeling it's going to be a bit different. hopefully, that'll be due in part to our playing most of these new songs as a live band before recording them. and i sure as hell ain't going to write anymore "greenback" shit

NP: CAN YOU GIVE US TITLES OF THE SONGS BEING CONSIDERED FOR THE ALBUM?

MW: jeez.

NP: IT'S TO SATISFY OUR CURIOUS FANS.

MW: well, the first couple of tracks will be a straight-up cover of superfly. but played as one seguing piece, like the second side of abbey road. after that we'll probably just have five or ten different cuts of the song "get things done." we'll call this one "golden hits", probably. or "the album." you should ask arta, probably. steven and i just write the songs. he's the arbiter.

NP: A SNAPPY ANSWER TO A STUPID QUESTION, THANK YOU. NEXT QUESTION: WHICH BANDS/ARTISTS HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING TO LATELY?

MW: i just bought superfly and tom waits' first album. the former, of course, is amazing. the jury's still out on the latter. it's a little, ah, norah jones, if you know what i mean. i have talking book on heavy rotation. a bit of the byrds, too. they've got some really hot guitar work. i listened to a cd of elvis' no. 1 hits i picked up for 5 bucks for about three days straight. suspicious minds is a great song. and, you know, all sorts of other crap.

NP: LAST QUESTION: WHAT KIND OF PROGRAMMING WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MORE OF ON NEON PHOSPHOR?

MW: song appreciation stuff. whether that be "great moments in rock'n'roll" or analysis of production techniques. it always brightens up my day.

NP: THANK YOU FOR YOUR FEEDBACK. THIS IS THE END OF THE INTERVIEW.

MW: this is my last response: thank you.

Great moments in rock: shellfish

Shelled molluscs and crustaceans have been making cameo appearances in rock-and-roll for decades now, and today is a salute to their efforts.

The B-52s - "Rock Lobster"
Amazon.com says, "The magnificent 'Rock Lobster' remains unmatched in terms of its relentless, spastic power to move one's feet." Its lyrics include: "Lots of trouble/ Lots of bubble/ He was in a jam/ S'in a giant clam." New wave. And speaking of wave...

Pixies - "Wave of Mutilation"
The outstanding track off Doolittle features these lyrics: "I've kissed mermaids, rode the El Nino/ Walked the sand with the crustaceans."

The Sugarcubes - "Regina"
Before Bjork went solo, she was in this Icelandic pop band. She sings, "But Mrs R. with none/ Sun with false teeth/ Give me lobster and fame." To which Einar (a rapper in the band) replies, "I really don't like lobster!"

Elvis Presley - "Sand Castle"
Even the King has sung about shellfish on more than one occasion. Here are lyrics from "Sand Castle": "The fiddler crab plays his violin/ On the back of a dancing whale."

Elvis Presley - "Crawfish"
Even more explicit lyrics about our shelled sea-friends: "Now take Mr. Crawfish in your hand/ He’s gonna look good in your frying pan/ If you fry him crisp or you boil him right/ He’ll be sweeter than sugar when you take a bite/ Crawfish."

Steven, who is famously allergic to anything that turns orange when cooked, once wrote a song called "Shellfish." In it, he declares, "Cowards hiding in their caves/ Killer sea crustaceans/ Don't belong in the ocean." Later, he describes a physical struggle with one such creature: "You fight and snap your feeble jaws/ I'll just snap off your claws." The song was vetoed for silliness.

Gene Pitney

Gene Pitney was a singer/songwriter who penned or performed an impressive string of hits during the early 1960s. Few people remember him today, mostly because of the oldies stations policy against anything before 1964. Nevertheless, you might recognize some of his compositions: "He's A Rebel," performed by the Crystals (and produced by Phil Spector), "Hello Mary Lou" for Ricky Nelson, and "Only Love Can Break A Heart" and "It Hurts To Be In Love" (performed by himself). Pitney died on tour in Wales and the world is poorer for it.

"What's going on in the world of Tonic?"

----Tonic is an American post-grunge rock band formed in 1993 by Emerson Hart, Jeff Russo, Dan Rothchild, and Kevin Shepard. They were signed to Atlas Records and Polydor in 1995... As of 2005 all three members are working on solo projects. With Russo working on the True Solo Album, and playing everything himself. It is not known yet if it will be released with a backing band, or if it will be left as an album with just Jeff. A full-length release from Emerson is in the works as well. Lavery had been writing songs for numerous projects including feature-length movies, such as The Passion of the Christ, and Elektra.

"Our House" mix

Steven made a new mix of "Our House" with fake drums and an organ track.

Letter to Neon Phosphor

I get lots of unsolicited mail everyday, but this one stuck out:

A friend of Bro. Juniper directed him to your website and he called me over to the Macintosh to exclaim that I was producing videos after hours, so to speak. We all got a great chuckle out of that, but when Bro. Juniper ran the video on his Macintosh screen, I was taken aback, for the images did delight me on the surface, but beneath the surface they reminded me of some of the interior images that I experienced on my recent trek across the desert. Of course those images were not of modernity, but of a sort of montage of transcendental nature, whereby the quarks and elemental particles of nature seemed to paint images upon the Milky Way, in a sort of transparent, and luminous, way. Yes, these interior images were inside my skull while I was stretched out on the sandy dune at midnight of a new moon, whereby the galaxies and stars all seemed to be within the reach of my outstretched hands. And the music played with the video is quite nice. I wish you the best in your artistic ventures, and hopefully through your art you may catch glimpses of God.

Shalom,
Bro. Bartleby
http://brobartleby.blogspot.com/

"Our House": Day Two

Mark recorded acoustic guitar, bass guitar and vocals for "Our House." Arta recorded electric guitar.

"Our House": Day One

Today's recording session was postponed for Arta and Mark to participate in a protest downtown. Steven showed up to the studio, anyway, and recorded guide drums and piano for "Our House."

"It'll be one of our longest songs. The basic track clocks in at around 4:30."

Rehearsal

Mark, Steven and Arta played through "Our House" and the whistling song to prepare for tomorrow's recording session. The rehearsal then degenerated into an oldies jam session, with a cover of Doobie Brothers' "Long Train Runnin' (Without Love)" as the highlight.

Once in a blue moon...

In an occurrence as rare as the alignment of four planets, the original Tonics are going to be in the same city for the next few days. Mark's coming back for spring break, so we might have a chance to practice new songs. Unfortunately, Alek is rumored to be out of town, so I can't boast that all five Tonics are simultaneously in the same town. That's why we have two drummers.

"I have a question."

----Don't come here with that posh talk you nasty, stuck-up twit.

"I beg your pardon?"----A question, sir. Certainly!

"Oasis recently loaned their song, 'All Around The World,' to an AT&T advertising campaign. Are the Tonics considering a similar deal with a transnational corporation?"----Transnational, you slimy trollop, what kind of a ponce are you?

"I'm sorry?"----Ah, yes. While I cannot disclose the details of any negotiations regarding the possible use of our music for promotional purposes, I can tell you that the Tonics will happily consider any commercial arrangements that are mutually beneficial to all parties involved.

"Very good, sir. I happen to be a representative of Cingular and I would like to discuss the licensing of a couple of your songs as ringtones."----Go make your own ringtones, you great poofy poonagger!

"I beg your pardon?"----Ringtones, yes! I am very flattered by your offer, but I must kindly refuse. You see, the band does not appreciate having their songs turned into 15 second clips. But nothing to do with you, my good fellow.

"Very well. I'll be on my way, then. Thank you for your time."----'Oh, thank you' says the great queen like a la-di-dah poofta.

"I beg your pardon?"----That's all right, sir, call again.

"Excuse me."----What is it now, you great pillock?

"Well, I can't help noticing that you insult me and then you're polite to me alternately."----Of course I did. Our conversation was mostly lifted from this Monty Python sketch.

"Bartleby" video

This is the link to the "Bartleby" video in Quicktime format. I believe it requires the latest version of Quicktime; otherwise you're going to see a blank screen.

Tonics imagery contained in "Bartleby" video

Directed by our drummer-in-exile Ian Asbjornsen, the "Bartleby" video features the cube, a helicopter and a psychedelic blimp. It's a lot like Sculpted Static's "Apart" video, except without us in it. Ian is currently converting it to a more Internet-friendly format. In the meantime, enjoy the four vidcaps below.

"Is your keyboardist the same Stephen Chow from the kung-fu movies?"

----No, and to avoid any more confusion, Steven has decided to adopt a totally random stage name. He shall henceforth be known as Engelbert Humperdinck.

"I think Sculpted Static was an awesome name! Why did you guys change it?"

----We didn't change our name. We quit Sculpted Static and formed a new band called the Tonics.

"Then why is 'Thank You,' a recording from Sunny Ash, on your new album?"----The real question is, how did a Tonics song get onto a Sculpted Static album in the first place?

Demo roundup

Yesterday's post generated a lot of controversy, but guess what? All great art is controversial. For instance, Rage Against the Machine at Lollapalooza 1993. John Lennon claiming the Beatles are bigger than Jesus. Catcher in the Rye. Not quite Salinger masterpieces, but close, are two demos recorded recently: Mark's "Future Four Four" and Steven's Stereolab cover "Les Yper Sound."

Great moments in rock and roll: Green Day??

Today's musical spotlight is on Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends.

"Oh my god, I hate Green Day. You are totally scraping the bottom of the barrel."----Okay. But here is a song that you can find everywhere, from KROQ (new rock) to KBIG (upbeat favorites). What makes it such an enormous and ubiquitous hit?

"A media conglomerate in control of production, broadcast, press, retail, and everything in between."----Sure, but hear me out. There are lessons to be learned from this track.

"Wake Me Up" uses a distinctly 1960s production style. This is unusual since today's music mostly borrows from the 80s. Anyway, the first 1:30 consists of just acoustic guitar and strings. The strings are mixed so low to be almost unnoticeable, but keeps the track sounding "produced" instead of indie rock. But uncharacteristic of anything recorded since the 70s, there's a host of weird instruments filling up the very high end. They include: a xylophone, tambourine and other percussion instruments taken straight from Phil Spector's stash. No, I'm not talking about his stash of firearms. I'm talking the box where he keeps his percussion. You know, like triangles and maracas and shit.

Around 1:30, Green Day avoid diving into hard rock mode like with the flip of a switch from the bridge to neck pickup. It's more like switching from the bridge to the both pickups. We hear the bass drums and electric guitar knocking tentatively on the door of hard rockness (like knocking four times on the door of unhappiness, or knock-knock-knocking on heaven's door. or knock knock, who's there, Anita! Anita who? Anita new string for my guitar!!!!!!!), before the whole band breaks through with full heaviness. The same idea is why Radiohead's "Creep" was such a success: the hook was Jonny Greenwood's ker-crunch right before the chorus. It's true, there's no other hook.

At 3:14, we hear the obligatory but often welcome "eye of the storm." That is, when the band suddenly goes quiet for a few lines before getting heavy again. It's a rock and roll cliche, but one of the good ones to keep the dynamics interesting. We do it on "Sunday Night" and "Hamlet." Radiohead did it on "My Iron Lung." Lots of other examples but I can't name them off the top of my head.

So next time you hear it on the radio, don't go for the dial. Try to appreciate what makes this song so popular. Especially when you're stuck in an office which plays KBIG and you're forced to listen to it.

"Whatever. Next you're going to say that Coldplay's 'Fix You' is the greatest song ever."----No, the greatest song ever is and has always been "All You Need Is Love" by the Beatles.

Sculpted Static officially cyber-dead

Today I received notice that sculptedstatic.com has expired. It's true: this is now a dead link.

"Why aren't you playing at Coachella?"

----Yeah, it makes you wonder if the festival's all it's hyped up to be.

"Is rock dead? You guys seem pretty quiet."

----Check your volume control. The album is best heard loud, and on good speakers. Also, you will need two functioning speakers to get the stereo effect.

"Wasn't Steven going to mix the album in mono?"----That was vetoed.

Atlantis

Mark recorded a new song called "Atlantis."

Mark's new waltz

Mark recorded a second demo of his new song, tentatively called "Atoday."

"Excuse me, I have a question."

----Why waste it on us? If you have the energy, why not ask our president why we went to war? Or why he's spying on us? Or why we need a president to begin with? Those are far worthier inquiries than the one you will introduce presently.

"Is it true that Tonics frontman Mark Williams told the media, and I quote, it's going to be a few years before you see us again... people are fed up with us - and so are we?"----That is almost correct. The speaker was actually Chris Martin of Coldplay.

"Nothing Matters" demo

The Tonics continue setting up the foundation for a post-Get Things Done world as Steven makes a demo of a new song called "Nothing Matters."

"Word on the street is that a music video is in the works..."

----As far as I know, the only words on the street are "Clear Keep," "Ahead Stop," and "Bump."

"Why are you evading my question?"----Because you weren't posing a question, but merely an observation regarding the street. This one, however, is a question. That's why you're getting a straight answer now.

"What is Neon Phosphor?"

----Glad you asked. http://www.phosphor.com.cn/

"Why don't you send Mark to American Idol?"

----According to the American Idol FAQ, "the contestants are not permitted to have any CURRENT recording or talent management agreements." The Tonics are currently under Neon Phosphor's talent management.

"Are you taking a break or something? What's with the inactivity?"

----No, we're planning to abandon music and devote our complete attention to this blog. You know, blogs having been all the rage the last few years.

"Are you at least writing new music?"----According to John Cage, we're always writing new music. When we cough and when we talk, it's new music. I am writing new music right now by tapping on my keyboard.

The science of (s)hit songs

Researchers at Columbia University (where the "Lucy Tricked Me Into Something" lead vocals were recorded) did a study that shows our preference for music is affected by the preferences of others.

[W]hat drives participants to choose low-quality songs over high-quality ones?

"People are faced with too many options, in this case 48 songs. Since you can't listen to all of them, a natural shortcut is to listen to what other people are listening to," Salganik said. "I think that's what happens in the real world where there's a tremendous overload of songs."

Alternatively, Salganik said, a desire for compatibility with others could drive the choice, since much of the pleasure from listening to music and reading books stems from discussing them with friends.

In other words, this study is stating the obvious. They should do another study where they make a mainstream radio station play more good music and see if more people tune in. 'Cause they would. People aren't fools that the record industry takes them for. They can decide for themselves what's good and what ain't.

It's very sad when stations like KRTH 101.1 FM change their playlists to play songs from 1964 to 1979, with a focus on the latter half of that range. Who told them to? And did they think people who listened to pre-1964 music are dying off or something? Where are we going to get our doo-wop, still one of the greatest forms of music ever? Have we forgotten about Chuck Berry, Ritchie Valens, Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper?

And everyone knows that the only '70s music worth listening to are shit like non-prog classic rock, Bowie, Queen, T-Rex, etc. And yet, none of these artists are featured on KRTH. Instead we get a lot of Elton John and disco shit and they don't even play the original version of "Candle In The Wind" anymore. They play this stupid live version. I mean, if you're going to do obscure shit, why not play some obscure shit from great bands like the Zombies and the Velvet Underground. Okay, the Velvets might be atonal and noisy, but the Zombies' Odessey and Oracle album is one of the most listenable, melodic albums ever. Why don't they ever play it? Because the people in charge of Infinity Broadcasting and Clear Channel are fucking idiots.

Speaking of idiotic, you guys remember what Clear Channel did after 9/11, right?

At least KOLA 99.9 FM goes on random play at night. Once I heard them playing "Suspicion" by Terry Stafford. That's a great song, folks, by a singer who sounds a lot like Elvis Presley.

Wait a minute, when was the last time we heard the King on KRTH? They don't play him nearly enough, if at all. KOLA, on the other hand, recently picked up a habit of playing "Kentucky Rain," which is a good song but not as rock-and-roll as the stuff from his "thin" era.

Happy birthday to Steven

Our keyboardist and 46% of the songwriting team turns 23 today.

Stereo Revolution

Mark got a faster computer and produced a demo called "Hifi."

"With the CDs made, could stardom be close to the Tonics?"

----I hope not. We want to maintain a suitable distance to the stars. I mean, they can get up to 200,000 degrees Celsius on the surface. We'll stay 149.6×10^6 km away from the Sun, thank you.

50 copies of our album

"What do you think of your musical contemporaries?"

----They're playing this song on KROQ right now, from a band called She Wants Revenge. From the San Fernando Valley, and they're supposed to be the next big thing. But I just don't understand why anyone would get off on a song with misogynistic, abusive lyrics such as "I want to fucking tear you apart." I mean, I fear for a generation of music fans walking around with a hook like that stuck in their heads. Yes, free speech, artistic expression, and all that, and I shouldn't judge bands by their one big hit, but I think musicians are not trying hard enough and all they do is bitch, bitch, bitch, I hate this, I hate that. Dudes, when you're rich and young, shouldn't you be having fun? The Tonics, on the other hand, are fun. Just listen to tracks 1-5, 7, 12-13 of our new album.

"Isn't this just sour grapes? I don't see the Tonics anywhere on the charts."----Patience, we'll be there as soon as we get our 50 CDs and we make one last visit to Kinko's. Oops, make that FedEx Kinko's.

Polar Bear Blood remixes "Anne Bancroft"

DJ Polar Bear, also known as our drummer Ian Asbjornsen, did a remix of "Elegy For Anne Bancroft." It might be worth listening to if you're bored of the minimalist acoustic version.

Celebrity endorsements*:
Ian: "I randomly felt like remixing it and I think it turned out really well."
Steven: "It's like the original, except with a beat and synths."
Arta: "The best part is still my hot strumming."
Mark: "What, I still haven't played on this one."
Alek: "That's right, Ian... stay away from the drum stool."

* Quotes dramatized. May not have been said.

UPS handling precious cargo

Track the progress of our 50 CDs.

DiskFaktory

The Tonics have hired DiskFaktory to produce 50 CDs.

Spotlight on "Neon Phosphor"

If you're a diehard Tonics fan, you know that I was once a song. But you don't have to be Jimi Martinez to know what I'm talking about. I am still available for download on Sculpted Static's Soundclick page.

Sculpted Static's first album, Sound Check, was about to get mastered when Mark vetoed "Lost Child." Mark wanted to record a new composition, "Velvet Ropes," to replace the ill-fated atmospheric Radiohead impersonation. But then Mark got the cold or something, and missed the recording session. Left without a song, Arta and Steven jammed me up on the spot, and gave me ridiculous lyrics like "He slips back... all alone inside/ With the liquor he borrowed from the convenient store./ Oh, it was so convenient." Another line was lifted from the Longman English Dictionary: "He said people/ Who torture people/ Are the scum of the earth." Incidentally, the same dictionary provides the following usage sample of "fuck": "I got my fucking foot fucking caught in the fucking chair, didn't I?"

So, anyway, Arta and Steven poured a lot of wall of sound shit over me. Flutes, organs, recorders, five-part guitars. Steven used his old computer mic for his vocals because Mark had conveniently borrowed the $30 RadioShack mic. The result was an overproduced, unlistenable heap of shit.

But that's when the reviews started pouring in. "Neon Phosphor" became everyone's favorite song on the album. On the other hand, the obvious hits ("Narc," "Telegraph Avenue," "Mad Men") caught no one's attention. Well, except Jimi, who still swears by "Mad Men." The band was really confused.

There's a happy ending, though. Recently, my chords and guitar riff were cannibalized for the vastly superior "Elegy For Anne Bancroft." Score one for the good guys and Neon Phosphor.

"Why didn't you win a Grammy last night?"

----The 2006 Grammy Awards only considered songs and albums that were released between October 2004 and September 2005. Unfortunately, Get Things Done was released outside that window, in December 2005. We will, however, be eligible to win a bunch of awards at next year's Grammies. Specifically, these are the awards we expect to get:

Record of the Year: "Get Things Done" by The Tonics
Album of the Year: Get Things Done by The Tonics
Song of the Year: "Get Things Done" by The Tonics
Best New Artist: The Tonics
Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal: "Distance" by The Tonics
Best Pop Instrumental Performance: "Bartleby" by The Tonics
Best Pop Vocal Album: Get Things Done by The Tonics
Best Dance Recording: "Save The Day" by The Tonics
Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal: "Get Things Done" by The Tonics
Best Hard Rock Performance: "Love Makes People Stupid" by The Tonics
Best Rock Song: "Get Things Done" by The Tonics
Best Rock Album: Get Things Done by The Tonics
Best Alternative Music Album: Get Things Done by The Tonics
Best Song Written For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media: "Love Makes People Stupid" by Alek Zarifian, Ian Asbjornsen, Mark Williams & Steven Chow
Best Instrumental Composition: "Bartleby," The Tonics, composer. (Performed by The Tonics)
Best Instrumental Arrangement Accompanying Vocalist(s): "Hamlet," The Tonics, arranger. (Performed by The Tonics)
Best Recording Package: Get Things Done by The Tonics (Jimi Martinez & Lisa August-Schmidt, art directors)
Producer of the Year, Non-Classical: The Tonics, Get Things Done

Great moments in rock and roll

Today's topic: how to make dance pop music, Spector style

The Crystals' - Da Doo Ron Ron

"I haven't heard of that song. What the hell is Da Doo Ron Ron?" you ask. Well, let me tell you that you have heard this song, and you've probably heard it a million times on oldies radio. Does this ring a bell?

I met him on a Monday and my heart stood still (da doo ron ron ron, da doo ron ron)
Somebody told me that his name was Bill (da doo ron ron ron, da doo ron ron)
Yes, my heart stood still
Yes, his name was Bill
And when he walked me home, da doo ron ron ron, da doo ron ron

Anyway, the point of this article is not to draw attention to the freaky lyrics, but to the first four measures of the song. Possibly one of the most energetic single chord intros ever committed to tape. The chord: Eb. The bpm: 150.

Here is the breakdown of instruments and how they're coping. Each measure is 4 counts.

Tenor sax: Plays a whole note during each measure. Only plays Eb.
Piano: Plays triplets (3 notes per count), but alternates between only two chords. I don't know what the chords are called, but they are the bottom two and top two notes of the Eb chord over a full octave, respectively. Whatever, I don't know how to say it more elegantly. Listen to the damn record.
Bass: Plays quarter notes (1 note per count). Only Eb. No fancy riffs here.
Handclaps: Quarter notes (1 clap per count)
Tambourine: Quarter notes, same as handclaps
Bass drum: Same as handclaps and tambourine
Last measure: Snare drums plays triplets, same rhythm as piano.

It's important to download the song or hear it on a CD. When they play it on the radio, the DJs would always talk over the intro, which I think is like defacing a national monument. Like if I were to graffiti "Keep listening for your chance to win on K-Earth 101" on the Vietnam War Memorial. By the way, KRTH 101.1 FM (Los Angeles) plays the stereo versions of the Righteous Brothers' "Unchained Melody" and "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling." Blasphemy. Speaking of idiot DJs, true fans of the art form do cringe when they hear a DJ introduce a Spector song with something like "now here's a song from the Righteous Brothers" when it's really from Phil Spector without Phil Spector there would be no Righteous Brothers. You know they turned their backs on Spector after their two big hits and recorded "(You're My) Soul and Inspiration" without Spector. So next time you hear that song, remember, it's only an imitation. But the biggest crime ever is how they never play "River Deep Mountain High" by Ike & Tina Turner. That song is the crowning achievement of Spector's career. And no, it's not that "Ain't no mountain high enough" song. This one is completely different. I feel like calling Cindy Davis at KOLA 99.9 FM to make it a lunchtime request, not for me but for the benefit of mankind. Did you know that Phil Spector also produced two of the most influential songs written in the last 35 years: "Imagine" and "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)." Bet you didn't know that, unless you're some kind of super music nerd. You say John Lennon wrote it? Well, John Lennon also wrote "Real Love" and left it in demo form, and "Imagine" could easily have ended up that way or turned into some lame acoustic song.

A good ice cream place next to the Lava Lounge

Neon Phosphor still on holiday

Neon Phosphor on holiday

Nothing to say at the moment.

Jam session

Arta and Steven tried to write a song and came up with something with D and Adim.

Mark on "Don't Lose It"

Mark: "Give me a good song and I'll have to do something about it."

Mark bumped the song to the key of A, changed some melodies and shortened the post-chorus.

"Last Day"

Steven recorded a demo of "Last Day," the new song written mostly by Arta.

"Do you have any new songs in the pipeline?"

----And get oil or natural gas all over them? I don't think CD-Rs do too well under those extreme conditions. They can't even handle a sticky label. That's why none of the Sculpted Static Sound Check CDs work anymore, thank goodness.

"No, I mean, are you writing new songs?"----Neon Phosphor only writes for publicity, although I was once a song. Then, they turned me into "Anne Bancroft."

"You bastard, is the band writing new songs?"----[sniff] You didn't have to remind me that I was the bastard child of "Lost Child" and "Velvet Ropes," both of whom abandoned me right before I was born out of convenience as a filler track for Sound Check. Oh, I was so convenient. Look what happened to me, man. Now I just earn my living blogging as a semi-fictional character.

"Who is Lucy, and what did she do to you?"

Lucy the Elephant is a six-story elephant-shaped architectural folly constructed of wood and tin sheeting in 1882 by James V. Lafferty in Margate City, New Jersey, two miles (3.2 km) south of Atlantic City, in an effort to sell real estate and attract tourism.

The idea of an animal-shaped building was innovative, and in 1882 the U.S. Patent Office granted Lafferty a patent giving him the exclusive right to make, use or sell animal-shaped buildings for seventeen years. Lucy is the oldest example of zoomorphic architecture, and the largest elephant in the world.

"When/where are you playing again?"

----In about ten seconds on your desktop speakers or headphones, if you go to our music page and click on our mp3s.

Sculpted Static flashback of the day

Diehard fans of the Tonics know that their favorite band was once known as Sculpted Static. Who could have forgotten Sculpted Static's marvelously forgettable output, which ranged from pop goth songs to Radiohead rip-offs? Today, we highlight a Sculpted Static song so obscure that it has never been heard outside the band.

Easily the most bizarre Sculpted Static track ever, "The Jam" was an avant-garde conceptual piece incorporating musique concrete elements and a multi-movement structure reminiscent of Pink Floyd's "A Saucerful of Secrets" and the Beatles' "Revolution 9." Recorded in the same session that produced "Curb Crawling" and "Apart," this 10 min 18 sec track was a collaboration between the two lead singers of the band. Ironically, there is no singing on this track. However, there is a spoken word section featuring Steven reading from a used car ad.

Despite the title, "The Jam" had a carefully arranged sequence of musical concepts based on a storyline hammered out over dinner at the dining commons. Lucky for us, the narrative of "The Jam" has survived to this day. It is reproduced below.

Part I (The beginning): Our hero witnesses a horrific car accident on his way to work at an advertising firm. He develops an intense hatred of cars.

Part II (Jaguar): At work, his boss assigns him to create an advertisement for the same model car as the one that he had seen crashing earlier. He does a very poor job on the ad, and he is fired. [Steven will read a different car ad (from the newspaper) at each concert.]

Part III (Quiet part): He becomes disillusioned with capitalism and heads for the valley in a VW Bus in search of a hippie commune.

Part IV (Riff): On his way to the valley, his disillusionment turns into anger. He turns around and heads back to the city to inspire a worker's revolt.

Part V (Organ solo): He finds many supporters, who listen intently to his rambling discourse on the evils of capitalism and the greatness of communism.

Part VI (Ending): During a march, he turns around to address his followers. Then, he backs into an intersection, which, for some reason, had not been closed off. A car, driven by a young advertising writer in a hurry to get to his first day of work, smashes into our luckless hero and kills him.

Site update

High-quality .mp3s of "Sunday Night," "Mean Song," "Distance," and "Get Things Done" are now available for download on our music page. This web version of "Get Things Done" is a special mix without the introduction.

Photos from the Lava Lounge gig

Gear shot.


A picture of Alek, making up for the fact that he was obscured in all the photos from our previous gig.


Mark, before his bass guitar failed him on the last song. Where's his leather jacket?


Steven (after the first Lava Lounge gig): "I'm going to cut my hair since we're not playing anytime soon." Little did he know...


No problems with the E string this time. Arta looks more relaxed.


What a tiny stage! How did we fit on there?

Lava Lounge gig

The band played well despite some technical problems. Unfortunately, the venue was almost cleared out by the time we performed "Save the Day," but that's to be expected from a midnight gig that started 30 minutes late. Pictures to follow.

Twenty CDs ready to rock

Our latest batch of Get Things Done raises the number of CDs to 37. Characteristics of the third pressing:

• A more close-up inner spread picture
  
• The track listing on the CD case is shifted over a bit.
• CD-Rs are made by TDK, written over with a red Sharpie.
• CD cases are recycled from Steven's personal collection. These cases formerly served the likes of Radiohead, Coldplay, LucasArts, and others.
  

Today's mass e-mail

We are pleased to announce our second gig at the Lava Lounge!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006 @ midnight
Lava Lounge
1533 N. La Brea Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90028
http://www.myspace.com/lavalounge

21 and over. Doors open at 8:30pm. Drink specials until 10pm. We are the last band/artist to play that night, the others being Jonas Lyn, Satellite Class, and Kyrie Maezumi.

If you would like to familiarize yourself with our music, please visit http://www.popgothetonics.com/ for a streaming version of our new album, *Get Things Done.* You may buy the album on the web site or at the show.

By the way, thanks to everyone who came to the first Lava Lounge show. We had a great time. Hope to see you again!

The Tonics

Lava Lounge gig on Jan. 18

The Tonics are playing again! Lava Lounge, Wednesday, Jan. 18 @ midnight. Doors open 8:30pm.

The Tonics have a crisis meeting

Last night, the Tonics had a top-secret, closed-door meeting inside one of AOL's chatrooms. Somehow, Neon Phosphor was not invited, so I can't tell you what happened, except that the band members emerged looking exhausted and refusing to speak to the media. I can only guess that one or more of the following things happened:

• An angry dispute over the distribution of the $20 earned from the Lava Lounge gig. In particular, band treasurer Steven has not yet bought pizza for the band despite promising to do so when he pocketed the money.
  
• A musical brainstorming session leading to creative differences within the band.
• The destruction of various instruments, including Arta's brand new Dean Palomino.
• The vandalism of the AOL chatroom and subsequent arrests made by AOL "Terms of Service" enforcers.
• Mark vetoed one or more of his own songs off the already-released album, necessitating a recall of the 27 CDs in circulation.
• Arta threatened to dissolve the band unless he received sole songwriting credit on all Tonics songs, because "they wouldn't be anything close to rock-and-roll if it weren't for my guitar parts."
• Record label censored the Get Things Done cover art because it was too sexist.

Work being done on the cube

Looking at the northeast corner of the cube. Notice some of the windows reflect more blue than others. That's a separate building in front of the cube, in case you're wondering.

Are they replacing the windows?

A close-up of the scaffolding. Notice some of the windows are boarded up.

Updates

• I heard a rumor that the cube is in pain. Something about it "looking like the second Death Star under construction." I haven't seen it yet, but I'll go first thing tomorrow to snap some pictures.
• The new website is up. It's really fancy.
  
• Mark wrote a new song called "How To Win."
• Here's a picture of Arta's vintage-looking guitar:

"By the way, who is Lucy?"

Lucy Katherine Pinder was born 20 December 1983 at Winchester, Hampshire, England. She is a Page 3 or glamour model based in the United Kingdom. Lucy was a dropout in August 2003 when a freelance photographer spotted her sunbathing on the beach in her home town. On the back of his photos, Lucy signed a professional modeling contract with national newspaper The Daily Star, which thrust her into the public eye and garnered an immediate fanbase. Lucy has subsequently become famous for being the first glamour model to refuse to pose showing her nipples in any photograph, although she has posed topless, covering her nipples with her hands or in some other way. She is famous for her large breasts (UK size 32G bra).

"Don't Lose It"

Arta wrote a song called "Don't Lose It." It's his first song with a ready-made set of lyrics, melody and chords since "Easter Island" in 2001. Way to go for the George Harrison of this band.

"I want an album! Gimme..."

----Sorry, man. The album's so good that we sold out all 27k copies. Did I just say "27k copies?" I actually meant 27 copies. Lousy keyboard. Go listen to the stream while we make some more.

Arta's new guitar

Read all about it: http://www.deanguitars.com/palomino.htm

This is the second Dean guitar acquired by this band. The first one is Steven's Dean Playmate bass guitar, so named because it looks and plays like a toy.

"What's next for the Tonics?"

----Breathe, eat, sleep... that sort of thing.

"Are you playing any more gigs?"----We can't confirm any dates yet. So, for all you know, we could be finalizing a deal with Clear Channel or some other media giant to headline at Staples Center. Or not.

"I want an album!! How do I get one?"----Sit tight and listen to the stream while we figure out how to get this PayPal business going. Or go to our MySpace page to hear some high-quality mp3s.

Steve Ison reviews "Anne Bancroft"

It's always fun for Neon Phosphor to write about our own music, but it's even better when a stranger does it for you. This is from the KIAC radio station "aLtErNaTiVe RetRo AnD pSyChEDeLIc."

Very very pretty song filled with that elusive 60s spirit..The kind of haunting, life affirming happy sad evocativeness that was so prevalent in 60s music but is (sadly) so scarce now..Such a refreshing joy to hear a track like this amongst all the terminally cold, mediocre corporate modern rock chancers that i've just unfortunately assaulted my ears with here on I.A.C..Many thanks guys for the great vibes..:)

Lava Lounge gig, part 2

Steven, after the instrument switch:


Mark sang "Thank You" at the keyboards.


Arta, looking sharp.


Too bad we don't have any photos of Alek. We'll see if Lisa took any.

Here are the bands that came after us. Que Sera is a mostly instrumental band:


Hello Fever is a pop punk band:


Stratageme played at midnight, but we were standing outside by then. Sorry, no pictures.

Lava Lounge gig, part 1

Here we are, at the site of our second gig this winter.


The Lava Lounge is a tiki-themed bar, with lots of sparkly decorations and colored lights.


Rock out! (Alek is obscured by Mark.)

Final rehearsal

Today, the Tonics ran through their set at the Pasadena Rehearsal Studios, plus a few bonus songs such as "Smells Like Teen Spirit," "Our House," "Hamlet," and "Here Comes Your Man."

The Blue Cafe gig: part 3

Mark had a lot of fun.


Alek looks a little more serious.


Steven's sang "Hey," a Pixies cover, while Mark went off stage for a drink.


Here's Arta playing his Les Paul. Mark is in the background singing "Thank You."

If the LA Weekly says we're playing, then it must be true.

This is the cover of this week's LA Weekly, soon to go down as one of the most valuable and sought-after items on eBay.


Why? Because Page 132 contains the first mass media mention of The Tonics, soon to become one of the greatest bands ever. Take a look at this advertisement.


Here's a close-up. Notice how the font size makes it look like we're the headlining act (along with Hello Fever).


If you haven't already, pick up your free copy of the LA Weekly. They're everywhere.

Our House

Mark, Arta and Steven arranged Mark's new song, "Our House." Then, they worked on "Amaj7," another one of Steven's notoriously difficult piano songs. Arta: "It sounds too much like Radiohead and not enough like our other songs. [Starts playing 'Street Spirit'] This arpeggiation thing has been done."

The Blue Cafe gig: part 2... an exclusive interview with the Tonics

NP: I AM NEON PHOSPHOR. SO, HOW WAS THE GIG?

MW: it was amazing

SC: pretty good

MW: ok, it was pretty good

AK: pretty good? pretty good my foot

MW: i didn't get ten years added to my life and we didn't discover a cure for cancer

AK: aerosmith is pretty good. we were awesome

MW: so i guess i wasn't, you know, amazed

SC: it wasn't as good as an elliott smith show, i'm afraid

MW: no, that's a lie

AK: yeah man, elliott smith would've been jealous

MW: elliott smith's shows, especially the later ones, were nothing special

AK: and then he would have stabbed himself, twice.

MW: that's pretty low, man

AK: yeah, but on the record, his girlfriend totally killed him

MW: ok, so he would've been so jealous his girlfriend would have had to kill him

AK: exactly

MW: all right

NP: OKAY, SO WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT THE GIG WAS AMAZING. WHAT WAS YOUR PERSONAL HIGHLIGHT OR FAVORITE MOMENT FROM THE SHOW?

MW: when i kicked the cable out of my tuner pedal during "get things done," so that the last minute was filled with buzzing

AK: that was hot

MW: i mean, i'll always remember that, i don't know if it was a high so much as highlighted

AK: but even better was when i had my tuner on, and thus my guitar muted, during the first three chords of save the day

MW: yeah, that was pretty good too.

SC: i didn't hear that, actually, i was too busy looking at my fingers

MW: i guess that makes the whole show a highlight for you, steven. wait, no. the highlight of the show was being told afterward that people were singing along or when that guy came up and tipped us

AK: well if we're not being funny anymore i agree

SC: yeah i couldn't believe it. they sang along to "how many kids did you trick" apparently.

AK: yeah the guy was singing to "you're so very nice" also

MW: i mean, i love to bitch, but that was bad ass

SC: who pocketed the tip, by the way?

AK: well it wasn't me

MW: who knows?

AK: and it wasn't steven, so hmm i wonder who that leaves

MW: i think it's safe to say we'll never be sure were the money went, and that it's best to leave it [at] that

AK: sure sure

MW: where that really shoots a hole in my case. the man who can't spell necessarily is a thief

AK: totally

MW: next question

NP: HOW DO YOU FEEL THAT THE NEXT GIG IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER?

SC: i think it'll be phenomenal

MW: it's the lava lounge

SC: everyone will be there

MW: because it's the lava lounge. it doesn't matter how much we practice -- we've got moxy, and moxy and the lava lounge are like friends with benefits or some shit.

NP: TO THE FOLKS WHO ARE STILL UNDECIDED ABOUT GOING, WHY SHOULD THEY SEE THE TONICS AT THE LAVA LOUNGE?

MW: because they don't want to be assholes this coming wednesday, or maybe "gilmore girls" is on USA network or something. but this is rock and roll

SC: it'll be a milestone in rock and roll history

AK: it'll be a whole ton of fun, and if we like you, we'll buy you a drink afterwards

MW: you know, i've used the verb "to be" almost exclusively in the past couple of clauses. i just want to go on record as being aware of that

AK: you're so copulative, mark

MW: oh, that was good

AK: i know

MW: i won't lie, i love my copulae

SC: what the hell is a copulae?

MW: it's what makes the publicist cry, but without it my poetry dies. it's also pluralized [from copula]

SC: ah, i see

AK: poor steven

MW: he's not missing much

AK: you are an english major too. but you were born in the Orient, let's not forget.

MW: copulae is linguistics faggotry. we call it a linking verb in my occident

NP: NEXT QUESTION. SO THIS ONE'S ABOUT ALEK. DID HE LIVE UP TO YOUR EXPECTATIONS?

MW: hell yes

SC: excellent drummer

AK: absolutely

MW: the guy knows both music and how to play the drums

AK: what a great drummer and a great guy

MW: yeah, and he's a great guy. that's a ridiculous combination. you can't ask for that

SC: i hope he enjoyed playing with us. he should be a full-time member of the tonics

MW: he should

AK: absolutely

NP: HOW ARE THE REHEARSALS GOING? YOU'VE BEEN USING THE PASADENA REHEARSAL STUDIOS LATELY.

MW: mad props to alan

AK: the rehearsal's have been intense. tiring. but lots of fun

MW: oh, yeah. they're tough

AK: the fact that alan makes PRS such a great and friendly place also helps a lot

MW: mad props to alan

SC: the songs actually get more fun to play as the rehearsal progresses

MW: that's definitely true. we get to treat the songs as songs and not as orchestrations subject to infinite levels of revision

AK: well put

SC: we're still revising the songs, though. for instance, the save the day bridge is 10 times better thanks to this bom-bom-bom rhythm that arta jammed up

MW: yeah and that sort of adjustment is fun

AK: that's what playing live is all about

MW: exactly, there's no slaving away in a tiny room. well...

AK: it's a slightly larger room and there's no computer in it

MW: and we get to jump around a little

AK: yep

MW: that stuff counts for a lot

AK: absolutement

MW: this is rock, not the GREs

AK: that's french, bud. oh wait a minute, i thought you were dissing me. never mind

MW: hahaha. calm down, edward said

AK: what did i say?

MW: you thought i was dissing you

AK: i know. i was making a pun there. say, said. never mind

MW: no no, there's an ayn in that

AK: yeah, but how's whitey to know that? or steven for instance? he's not from that part of the orient? okay, question time

NP: SPEAKING OF JUMPING AROUND, DID YOU ENJOY THE DIZZY RIDERS WHO CAME AFTER YOU GUYS?

AK: the dizzy riders had an extremely fun show

MW: yeah, they did. they needed a bigger crowd

AK: yeah really, with some slam dancing by the stage. still, mark, you did well on that count

MW: i tried to give back some of the craziness they were throwing out

AK: but they were just what i needed after our set

MW: hey, my job is to be the nut in the band

AK: some punk rock craziness

MW: exactly

SC: they gave us these cool picks and free cds

MW: there was that, too

AK: i love that pick. i'm going to bring it to the lava lounge as a backup pick. put it on my guitar in case i drop my other pick and need a quick replacement (they stick to the guitar).

MW: and they were extremely encouraging, which i really appreciate, from an established band

AK: yeah that was great

MW: but the pick was totally sick, too. that rhymes. that should be the new slogan: "the sick pick"

SC: no more, "where's my pick?" says arta. like at the beginning of heart of darkness

MW: yeah, arta had a real phobia concerning lost picks back then

AK: i still do, deep down. but i've beaten it back

MW: whole recording sessions hinged on the recovery of a single medium gauge pick

AK: haha

MW: you fought the disease. he's a fighter. we're all stronger for it

NP: REGARDING THE ALBUM, HOW DO YOU PLAN TO PROMOTE IT?

MW: i think that's a great question. hmm...

AK: yeah, damned if i know. we need some help

MW: we're going to give away for free at the lava lounge, just as we did at the blue cafe

SC: yeah

MW: and we're going to gig again as soon as we can. we're just getting warmed up

AK: yeah

SC: i don't want to go home with a bunch of cds next time

MW: no, they've all got to go

AK: yeah they're all going

MW: the next gig could be pretty important

SC: i think we'll be fine

MW: who'll get a cd? an A&R guy? who knows? bottom line is that we're going to make some fans

SC: we might have to make some more this weekend, with liner notes that actually have notes

MW: hmm, that'll cost some bread, yo. just refer them to the website. that way they get lyrics & a bio, as well as more info than they could possibly comprehend

AK: the website needs more info and pictures of us that aren't from 4 years ago

NP: ARTA, SO YOU DESIGNED THE ALBUM COVER. WHAT WAS YOUR CONCEPT?

MW: go for it arta

AK: my concept was to make it look as much as possible like an EGA shareware video game from 1994

MW: haha

AK: think AOL's Top Picks list

MW: duke nukem 2!

SC: best in the series

AK: you got it

SC: i thought it was based on EGATrek, though. we should cover its theme song

AK: yeah, there was that aesthetic

MW: i think the RP300 was made for covering video game theme songs

NP: BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN? THE BLUE AND RED AND BLIMPS AND THE CUBE?

SC: those blimps are supposed to look like bombs

MW: you forgot the beetle with the fat oil stain

SC: the one with the biceps

MW: yeah. i think, in the context of the latest VW ads, that the photo on the back has some heavy handed commentary

AK: what VW ads?

MW: "on the road of life, there are passengers and there are drivers"

SC: "drivers wanted"

MW: what they forgot to mention were the giant stains left by the vehicles in transit and the muscle men who take pictures of them. i mean 1) all that motorized individuality totally covers your life in oily residue 2) you have to be a goddamn muscled monster to keep track of it all. you have to be able to fight the man

SC: and the man is symbolized by the cube on the cover

MW: yeah, the cube is all about people and stuff

NP: THAT'S ENOUGH READING MATERIAL FOR OUR READERS. LET'S GET A FINAL WORD FROM ALL OF YOU, BEFORE WE CALL IT A NIGHT.

MW: arta, go first

AK: huh... oh sorry, i was reading

MW: jesus, this an interview, dude. your space sims can wait!!!! ... !!!!!

AK: sigh, you have no idea how right you are. and i won't tell you. i've got nothing to say

MW: i tried to soften the blow with punctuation

AK: come on the 28th, you will have a good time

MW: yeah

AK: and listen to the album

SC: wall of sound

MW: to quote an amazing song, "rock is alive"

AK: haha

MW: the last of the copulae, before myself to bed i lay

The Blue Cafe gig: part 1

The site of our first gig! Except we didn't make it onto the marquee.


Instead, we're on this white board outside the bar. Except it's missing the all-important definite article.


Blue Vault Room reminded us of a certain band called Sculpted Static, especially when they ended the set with a cover of Pink Floyd's "Echoes." I didn't take any pictures of them, but here's what the stage looked like after they cleared out. That's clearly the ghost of John Lennon wishing us good luck.


We got set up. That's Mark in a leather jacket. Arta in his work clothes. Steven lurking in the shadows. And Alek holding it all together.


Sound check was "Lucy Tricked Me Into Something." Here's Steven looking at his keys because he couldn't hear them through the monitors. Meanwhile, Alek is having trouble hearing the band.

Blue Cafe

The Tonics played at the Blue Cafe. Things went quite well. Neon Phosphor will have a full report and photos tomorrow.

First 19 copies

We were going to make 20, but one got lost during the trip back from Kinko's.

Rehearsal

The band rehearsed today from 7:30 pm to 11 pm. Before that, Steven and Mark made 20 copies of the CD booklet and back cover.

The cover art

Lisa August-Schmidt's photography

Lisa was asked to produce something that reflected life in Los Angeles. The first piece is a nod to LA's car culture:


Here's a fake owl drinking from a diet root beer can:


A tree in front of a typical suburban home:


A VW van parked on the lawn. This picture could've been from the 1950s:


The blimp is a common sight in LA's clear blue skies.

Jimi Martinez's artwork

This one is like the Sunny Ash mushroom cloud:


Giant beach-goers sitting on a warehouse with a bum behind them:


Cubes!


This one's pretty cool. That's the band on the left:

New keyboard

Steven's dual-keyboard attack will include a Yamaha DGX305, a budget keyboard with a tone that's better than some digital pianos. The RadioShack keyboard, in service since 2001, will now enjoy a much-deserved retirement.

Steven: "Making music is a lot like knitting. You can ruin a good song by recording it with an obviously fake piano tone, just as you would ruin a good sweater by knitting it with cheap yarn that you found in the bargain bin at Target. If you're going to spend weeks knitting a sweater, you should be using the best quality yarn possible, such as mohair, merino wool, cashmere and angora, from fine makers like Anny Blatt, Berroco, Brown Sheep, Plymouth, Rowan, Sirdar, and Trendsetter. Conveniently enough, I happen to know a good place in Pasadena where you can buy all this stuff, and more. Such as quality bamboo needles that you wouldn't find at Michael's or Jo-Ann's. Anyway, this store is called Skein and it's where the Poobah record store used to be. Oh, they even offer classes for people of all ages and skill levels. How fantastic. Okay, some people might say, I'm endorsing this place because I work there, but no. It's really that good, folks."

Happy birthday to Mark

Our favorite singer-songwriter with a goatee turns 22 today!

"Is Ian still in the band?"

----As far as I know, he's still in Triple Threat, so yes.

"No, I mean, is Ian still in The Tonics?"----The last time I checked, the letters in "The Tonics" couldn't be recombined to form Ian's name, so no.

Today's mass e-mail: "See the Tonics! Tues, Dec. 20 and Wed, Dec. 28"

Greetings, friend of the Tonics:

This holiday season, you are invited to see the Tonics performing live at the following engagements:

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 @ 10pm
The Blue Cafe
210 Promenade
Long Beach, California
http://www.thebluecafe.com/

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 @ 9pm
The Lava Lounge
1533 N. La Brea Avenue
Hollywood, California
http://www.lavahollywood.com/

We've prepared a brand-new, rockin' set of songs, many of them found on our new album, *Get Things Done.* You won't want to miss Steven Chow's dual-keyboard attack, Arta Khakpour's hot guitar lines, Mark Williams's frontman swagger and Alek Zarifian's vicious but precise drumming.

Please visit our website for an album sampler: http://www.popgothetonics.com/

Hope to see you at the show! Rock the box,

The Tonics

The golden ratio

The golden ratio is an irrational number, approximately 1.618 033 988 749 894 848, that possesses many interesting properties. Shapes defined by the golden ratio have long been considered aesthetically pleasing in Western cultures, reflecting nature's balance between symmetry and asymmetry and the ancient Pythagorean belief that reality is a numerical reality, except that numbers were not units as we define them today, but were expressions of ratios. The golden ratio is still used frequently in art and design. The golden ratio is also referred to as the golden proportion, golden mean, golden section, golden number, divine proportion or sectio divina.

There are two ways to divide Get Things Done into two sections according to the ratio. The first way is to divide it when Mark sings "answerless question" on "Hamlet" and the second way is to divide it is a few seconds after the keyboards come in on "Lucy."

"Mean Song" problematic

Now we think "Mean Song" has too much reverb, so we'll need to remix and remaster it. Bugger.

The Tonics get things done

"Sunday Night" was remixed and digitally remastered today. After almost a year of hard work, the album is finished and ready for the world to hear.

Second rehearsal

Arta, Steven and Alek rehearsed yesterday. "Save The Day" will replace "Hamlet." Steven and Arta mastered the album.

Tonics in the Ozone

Mastering will be done on Arta's computer, which was recently outfitted with new speakers. We have been experimenting with matching this album's EQ to the stereo version of Pet Sounds.

New but temporary web site

Today's Tonics web site makes it really obvious that we have two shows coming up. There is also a full-album stream to encourage people to visit the site.

On December 20, the site will be replaced by the incredible Tonics magazine.

Rehearsal time changed to 4-7

Today is the 25th anniversary of John Lennon's death. Like the Tonics, Lennon was all about good pop songs, unlike his colleague Paul McCartney who did experimental shit like Sgt. Pepper and the flip side of Abbey Road. The rebellious but always genuine Beatle gave us "Imagine," still one of the greatest songs of all time. And perhaps the best Christmas carol of our time: "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)." Incidentally, both of these songs were produced by Phil Spector.

Attention band

Room D, Pasadena Rehearsal Studio, this Sunday 2-5.

"Love makes" the album finished

Steven produced a new drum track and recorded some piano tracks for "Love Makes People Stupid." The 38 min 39 sec album is now mixed and ready for mastering.

Steven: "Rock is officially dead. It's time to move on with our lives."

Post-production

Yesterday, Arta recorded some new guitar parts for "Mean Song," "Distance," and "Lucy." Steven recorded some harmonies for "Save The Day" and piano tracks for "Mean Song."

Arta: "Our revisionist history of rock and roll does not include Led Zeppelin."

Today, Californian artist Jimi Martinez received a bunch of photos taken by Bay Area photographer Lisa August-Schmidt. He will produce the album artwork over the next two weeks.

Album sequence, take 4

1. Sunday Night
2. Mean Song
3. Distance
4. Save The Day
5. Get Things Done
6. Lucy
7. Bartleby
8. Lucy Tricked Me Into Something
9. Hamlet
10. Greenback
11. Love Makes People Stupid
12. Elegy For Anne Bancroft
13. Thank You
    

A taste of our next album

Mark recorded demos for "Savage" and "Our House" (formerly known as "The Band Song").

Album sequence, take 3

Arta: "People have short attention spans and we must put all our hits at the beginning of the CD."

1. Sunday Night
2. Mean Song
3. Save The Day
4. Get Things Done
5. Distance
6. Lucy
7. Bartleby
8. Lucy Tricked Me Into Something
9. Hamlet
10. Love Makes People Stupid
11. Greenback
12. Elegy For Anne Bancroft
13. Thank You
    

Album sequence, take 2

This is a sequence based on the idea that the album should start fast, then move into the slower, artsier songs, and then close with more fast stuff.

1. Sunday Night
2. Mean Song
3. Get Things Done
4. Distance
5. Elegy For Anne Bancroft
6. Lucy
7. Bartleby
   
8. Lucy Tricked Me Into Something
9. Hamlet
10. Love Makes People Stupid
11. Greenback
    
12. Thank You
13. Save The Day
    

Random notes in the key of Tonic

• The album is now called Get Things Done.
• "Mean Song" and "Sunday Night" need more echo.
• "Save The Day" needs work on the first chorus.
• "Love Makes People Stupid" needs a new arrangement.
  
• Times confirmed: The Tonics are playing at 10pm on Dec. 20 at the Blue Cafe, and 9pm on Dec. 28 at the Lava Lounge.
• We will not hire a CD duplication service because we can't afford it. Instead, our first run will be burned on our computers.
• We will reuse the CD cases Steven found in the Stebbins Hall free pile.
• Not sure if we want to use Kinko's this time. Anyone know of a cheap printing place that can do liner notes?

"Save The Day"

Arta and Steven finished producing "Save The Day." Steven recorded a bunch of new synth parts and harmonies.

Arta: "I'm not trying to be a jerk. I'm trying to save the song."