Concert footage

Okay, I didn't actually post this in 2013. But a lot of things happened that year. Such as this concert featuring our Pedal Tone stars.

Sound Check and Sunny Ash re-released!

The Tonics have re-released Sound Check and Sunny Ash, making it the first time either of these albums have been available for high-quality streaming and downloading. For all practical purposes, it's the first time these albums have been made available to the public, since our sales and marketing strategy was so pathetic the first time around.

Go get them here: http://pedaltonerecords.bandcamp.com/

Our Facebook page now has a gallery of many previously unseen pictures of the band. Check it out: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Tonics/152160147519

Sculpted Static goes digital

You didn't think it was ever going to happen, but it will. Sculpted Static is set to re-release their two albums, original mix and mastering, as digital downloads. We have located CD-quality masters which will finally enable us to provide lossless downloads on Bandcamp.

"Why didn't you keep the .wav files on your computer after you mixed them down?"----listen kid, have you ever had to worry about disk space? Especially when you really needed to make room for Diablo II? These are the tough decisions we had to face during the early 2000s.

Select quotes from the band:

"Finally, we're going to make the $300 back that we spent at Kinko's."----a band member

"Now we'll hit the big time... in the USA!"----another band member, set to the tune of "Honey Pie"

Now, enjoy this video of us looking young:

In business

After a long vacation it looks like Neon Phosphor is back in business. Or should I say that we're in business for the first time? Because Steven, who now calls himself SK Chow, has released a new song called "Titanic." And get this---he's doing it on our brand new record label Pedal Tone Records. Mark's on the track playing guitar and Arta's on the B-side for the re-issuing of "Anne Bancroft." Go download the songs for $0.75 each (cheaper than iTunes).

Amber

Annie recording her new song "Amber's Getting Married" with the 60s Pop, Rock & Soul PBS special on TV.

IKEA bass line

Mark and Steven are working on a new song called "IKEA."

Caffe Frascati

The Tonics discuss their plans to conquer the San Jose music scene.

Air

Is what the new song is going to sound like. Mark and Steven continued to work on the chords and melody. They also practiced some vocal harmonies on several Beatles songs and played through "Amaj7," "I Wish My Name Were Snoopy," and another song Mark wrote recently.

More intriguingly, the band rehearsed some of their old songs, including "Neanderthal," "Mean Song," "Telegraph Avenue," "Mad Men," "Distance," "Apart," and "Love Makes People Stupid." I was particularly pleased when they ran through "Neon Phosphor."

"This is beginning to look like Tonics circa 2005. Are we going to see a new album soon?"----Wrong, the Tonics weren't going to make it circa 2005.

"I heard a rumor that the Tonics are going to turn into an a cappella group."----That's not a rumor. You've confused us with the Harvard Din and Tonics.

Songwriting

Steven and Mark worked on a new song, "South Pasadena." It's going to have tempo changes.

"Are the Tonics going prog?"----No, that's a job for Sculpted Static, who are no longer with us.

"Wait... is there going to be a new Tonics album???"----Actually, it's going to be an old album, from 1989.

"Are you referring to Steven's '1989' album project?"----No, I was referring to Doolittle.

Ten years

"I heard you're playing at your high school reunion!!!!!! Are we finally going to hear a live performance of 'Heart of Darkness'?"----No. You'll probably hear songs like "Music" by Madonna and "Bye Bye Bye" by *NSYNC. It'll trip you down memory lane. And true to the spirit of 2001, we won't be playing.

"If they actually finished Chinese Democracy and released Duke Nukem Forever, that means the mythical second Tonics album shouldn't be far behind, right??"----Wrong. That means we're going to be playing Duke Nukem Forever.

"How about the rumors that you'll be releasing a 10th anniversary edition of 'The Lorax'?"----Actually, it's been 40 years since it was released. And we're not releasing it. It'll probably come from Random House.

Drummer wanted

"Wait, what happened to Ian and Alek?"----Nothing, we just needed a 3rd drummer. Wall of sound.

"I heard you guys are recording again. When can we expect your next album?"----Expect it whenever you want. Doesn't mean we're going to release it.

"Ah-ha! So you admit you're working on an album."----Yes, but I am also a pathological liar.

"I saw you guys at Garfield Park the other day. Are you playing music together again?"

----No, we were just stargazing with the help of a Droid.

"But I saw this video on Facebook with you guys playing music."----Obviously CGI.

"Will the Tonics press record this summer?"

----No. We're going to press charges against whoever spread that baseless rumor.

"I heard you lined up a horn player for the re-recording of 'Lucy.'"----No, we're actually lining up our ducks. In a row. And then we will shoot them with the Nintendo Zapper Light Gun.

"Seriously, when are we going to hear the new version of Get Things Done?"----2019. Our goal is to spend more time working on it than Chinese Democracy. Because Guns N' Roses are our sworn arch rivals and we will beat them in every way possible.

News from the studio

It looks like the Tonics are updating themselves pretty regularly on their Facebook page. They've been recording a bunch of covers to brush up on their recording skills, but I hear that a reworking of Get Things Done is underway.

The Tonics to release a new album!

That's right!!!!!!1 The band that had seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth, the band that had gone the way of the Pixies, Oasis, and many others. THE TONICS (and we're not talking about the Harvard Din & Tonics or the Tonics that own thetonics.com domain name, but the real, rock-and-roll Tonics from South Pasadena) are releasing a brand new album!!! No, not a remix/remaster of songs like this one:



...but a bona-fide album with NEWLY RECORDED MATERIAL, the much-anticipated second LP that will blow away Get Things Done like a gasoline-powered leaf blower. Recording has already begun in studios COAST-TO-COAST. Yes, this is an extraordinarily production and thank your lucky stars it's finally happened! It's literally going to have the GREATEST HITS ON EARTH. Any questions?

"This is great! When will it be released?"----Late December back in '63.

"Excuse me?"----Ain't that a shame, you're the one to blame.

"Are we finally going to hear 'The Whistling Song' and 'Cube'?"----His mother told him "Someday you will be a man, and you will be the leader of a big old band."

"Can you talk more about the sessions? Is it hard to get back in the groove after all this time?"----We ain't fakin' it. Whole lot of shakin' goin' on.

"What are the new recordings going to sound like?"----

"I heard the Tonics are going electronic!"

----That's right. The Tonics are currently producing an album using the PC speaker.

"So, are we finally going to hear the full potential of Steven's MicroKORG?"----No, you already heard that at the end of "Save The Day." What you will be hearing, however, is the latest in monophonic square wave music.

"Will the new songs sound like Kid A-era Radiohead?"----No. It'll sound like QBASIC-era Tonics.

The Tonics press 'record'

Mark and Arta recorded "blue piano," a cover of a very famous hit from the 1990s. I'll take your questions.

"Wow! I want to hear it."----You'll have to wait until we release the Tonics Anthology near the end of our careers.

"Why isn't Steven on this recording? Is he still in the band?"----I'm afraid the traitor's still counting money and playing with that flower power psych folk band in Berkeley.

"I heard there are plans to finally record the 'Whistling Song.'"----Actually, you didn't hear it. You read it on this blog entry.

"Hey, are you guys on Twitter?"----No, we're on acid.

The Whistling Song

On Friday, Arta, Mark and Steven reconvened in South Pasadena and worked on harmonies and instrumental arrangements for "The Whistling Song." This was the band's first time in the studio since the ill-fated sessions for "Our House" and "Radio" in 2006.

"No way! Are you going to release this song? I thought the Tonics were done."----No, we're just recording the song for fun and not-for-profit. Just like all the others.

"Is it true that the Tonics are planning to release an authorized, remixed, remastered version of Get Things Done?"----Yes, and we're going to call it Got Things Done.

"Happy New Year, Neon!"----What's with all the joy? Go listen to "Hamlet."

"Anne Bancroft" still an Internet favorite

Just over a month ago, British indie folk-rock artist Steve Ison left us this commentary on "Elegy For Anne Bancroft" on IACmusic.com:

Sept 11th 2008.....Its weird,in my alternate universe i see this as a classic psychefolk song everyone knows and loves -It just sounds like its always been around.Maybe i love it so much because THe Graduate might well be my favourite film of all time-Tucked in amongst all those timeless,melancholic Simon and Garfunkel soundtrack songs,this would fit perfectly on every level,qualitively and atmospherically..What a beautifully elegant title too.. 'ELEGY for Anne Bancroft'-i could love it just for that! The lyrics are so naturally poetic,imaginative and suggestive as well,creating all that space to open up your imagination..DElightful track..........................

Thanks, man.

I suppose we should try to get more comments by uploading our songs to garageband.com or sending out the Get Things Done album to radio stations. But then we wouldn't be the best kept secret in rock-and-roll, would we?

Notes from the studio

Steven recorded some vocals for "Lucy" and remixed the song with a louder bass line. We caught up with Steven as he left the studio this afternoon:

NP: I AM NEON PHOSPHOR.

SC: oh yeah?

NP: WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THE STUDIO?

SC: auditing.

NP: ARE WE GOING TO REISSUE "LUCY?"

SC: no, why would we do that?

NP: WHAT ABOUT THE REPORTS THAT YOU'VE BEEN SPOTTED WITH ANOTHER BAND UP NORTH?

SC: i don't know what you're talking about.

NP: WILL THERE BE ANOTHER TONICS ALBUM?

SC: sure, we'll make some more get things done if we ever run out, and at this rate it'll be never

"I heard that the Tonics are planning to reunite at the Outside Lands festival this year!"

----Then you must be schizophrenic.

"Why aren't you guys famous yet? The album is fantastic."----We do not wish to relinquish our title of 'best-kept secret in rock-and-roll' to The Marvelettes.

"Wow! 'Bartleby' is a great song. Why is it called 'Bartleby?'"----We were looking for an anagram of "Try Babel."

"What's your second album going to be like? Will it be more rock-and-roll?"----No way. Guitar groups are on their way out.

"Where did all those bonus tracks come from??"----The Japan-only version of Get Things Done.

"Lucy, who's that?"----It's Saint Lucy, patron saint of eye conditions. She tricked Steven's eye into the path of a tennis ball.

"When is your next record coming out?"

----Tomorrow, when we extend our record of most consecutive days not playing a single note to 404.

"But I heard that Steven's been playing with a bunch of street musicians."----Not true. The traitor is currently playing with Excel formulas and pivot tables.

"How's the rest of the band doing?"----Since 2006, we've been holding a multiple measure rest at 120 bpm, currently at 17,452,800 measures and counting. At the conclusion of this rest will be a Dm.

"How much longer do we have to wait?"----I'm not going to ruin it, man.

The Tonics at the recording studio?

"My source from the paparazzi told me that three Tonics visited the studio where most of the album was recorded. Did you guys record something?"----Yes, we recorded a new high score on Commander Keen IV: Secret of the Oracle.

"No, really. Did you guys at least play through your old songs, just to break the ice?"----Almost. We played through some missions on Jetfighter I, in order to blow up some buildings being used by our Soviet enemies.

"Our long-range microphone picked up some strange electronic music emanating from the studio. Are you guys switching genres, like Radiohead with Kid A?"----No, what you heard was the SimCity Classic theme song being played on the PC speakers.

"How about the fact that a PA was spotted in your car, while you guys were in the studio?"----Who the hell are you? Quit snooping around! We are going to incorporate that PA into the ultimate video gaming system.

You're Only Human (Do You Know What You're Doing?)

The Tonics have released the promotional video for "You're Only Human (Do You Know What You're Doing?)", a song that was recorded back in 2005, but was left off the album because it didn't fit. Enjoy.

Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

"Okay, I heard that the Tonics are reforming this holiday season, true or not?"

----No, it's the long lines that are reforming at the shopping malls this holiday season.

"Great moments in rock and roll: The Marvelettes have gotten almost 6,000 plays on YouTube. Any plans for more videos?"----I'm not surprised. The Marvelettes were a greater band than the Tonics could ever hope to be... 18.7 times greater, if you do the math.

"What the hell is that building at the end of your videos?"----That is not just a building. That is our god, the cube. Mock the cube again and die.

"Is your cube like a Borg cube?"----No! It is actually more like a cubical version of the Death Star.

"Are the Tonics going to release their album for free, like Radiohead just did?"

----No, our album sounds nothing like Radiohead.

"Is there a future for the Tonics?"----Didn't we make that clear enough when we played at the No Future Cafe?

"I've noticed a recent burst of activity on the Neon Phosphor blog. Does this mean the band is about to do something?"----And Lucy tricked us into it?

"I spoke with a friend of a friend of the band, and she told me that the band has stockpiled a whole bunch of new songs for an upcoming album project. Is that true?"----You're getting confused with our stockpile of food for the upcoming nuclear winter.

"What's your favorite song on the album?"----Finally, a good question. The answer is "Paranoid Android." You were talking about OK Computer, weren't you?

"I heard the Tonics are going to record a new song."

----Yeah, and the Smiths are going to reunite. And Morrissey and Johnny Marr are going to embrace on stage.

"What about the reports that the Woods, formerly the Lava Lounge, have been contacted by the band's management?"----Clicking on their MySpace does not a booking request make.

"I love your CD! You guys should play at my party!"----I love our CD, too. It's great for a game of CD ring toss. We would be happy to play that at your party.

"Are you ever going to update the web site?"----Does this count?

The Tonics featured on KALX "The Next Big Thing"

That's right! According to the Yahoo! Group for The Next Big Thing (KALX-FM, Berkeley), we were featured on the January 23, 2006, episode. Unfortunately, none of us tuned in, so we have no idea what they played or what they said about us.

"way to go, phosphor. i thought you kept up with these things."----Shut up. For all you know, you may have won a Grammy this past February.

In other news, KDVS-FM in Davis played "Lucy Tricked Me Into Something" on the 6/12/07 edition of the Kid Courageous & Tigerlily show. That's less than two months ago. Maybe we should print some more of our albums, because I have a feeling these DJs are playing from our EP.

"Tell me, how's life away from the Tonics?"

----Let this disturbing film by Ian Asbjornsen answer your question:



The soundtrack is wonderful, by the way.

"Any new songs in the pipeline?"

----Yes, our songs are swimming in sewage at the moment.

"Why does the magazine still say Summer 2006? It's almost Summer 2007."----"Almost" doesn't cut it for me. Either it is or it isn't. The fact is, it's not summer 2007, so why should I listen to you?

"Are you backing Phil Spector to win his murder trial?"----Absolutely not. We are backing Manchester United to win the Premier League title. Spector, on the other hand, is a bad man and probably a poor footballer.

"What the hell? Did the band break up or something?"

----Yes, the break-up is a post-production procedure to ensure the greatness of our next album. Remember, the Zombies broke up before they released Odessey and Oracles, and a year before their single "Time of the Season" became a hit. And, oh, the Zombies are awesome.

"Are you still selling your CDs?"----That's so subjective. I mean, on the one hand, we are, and on the other hand, we are not. What's with all these yes-or-no questions, anyway?

"That's bullshit. Come on, give me a straight answer."----________________________

And a happy new year

Today, the Tonics informed me that my services were no longer required. Then, they disbanded. Of course, I was very upset, but before I had a chance to shoot back an e-mail telling them to fuck themselves, they formed an oldies appreciation society and tribute band Solid Gold & the Rhythmic Souls ("The Tonics," for short) and hired me as their publicist. Anyway, here's another great moment in rock and roll.

The Tonics meet!

Yesterday, the Tonics had another one of those infamous top-level meetings. As usual, Neon Phosphor was not invited. So, in order to bring you the latest buzz in the world of Tonics, I have to make shit up. So this may or may not have happened at Mark's house:

• The Tonics disbanded and rebanded as The Tonics.
• Music was recorded that would not be heard by anybody for the next ten years, due to the lack of promotion.
• Drugs. Specifically those formulated to treat hemorrhoids.
• The Tonics honored the late James Brown by covering "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag."
  
• The Bose Wave radio revealed a barely-audible snippet of dialogue at around 2:14 on "Lucy" that says "I buried Steven." Steven then confesses that he's not the real Steven, which explains a lot, because the real Steven would not have sold his soul and gone to work for one of the largest accounting firms in the world.
• They decided to embark on their much-anticipated world tour, on a Risk board.
• Creative differences over production resulted in a compromised track destined for the 3rd quarter section of the next album that everybody skips over.
• Arta sang.
  

James Brown

Happy birthday!

Mark turns 23 today. We'll celebrate by listening to some Beethoven, who was born on this day in 1770.

The Beach Boys - I Get Around

That's Brian Wilson on falsetto vocals and bass guitar, showing no signs of the stage fright and various illnesses he would have after 1964. Dennis Wilson is the one rocking out in the back. Mike Love is on lead vocals.

Stevie Wonder - Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday

The Beatles - If I Fell

The Zombies - Tell Her No

Yes, it is possible to rock out as a hands-free lead singer without having to suffer a seizure on stage or look like a statue. In this performance, Colin Blunstone demonstrates how the proper use of facial expressions and hand gestures could express more emotions than the Thom Yorke breakdown or any emo artist of today. Consider the way Colin sings "I love you" (0:39) in the second verse. Look at his eyes, the way he leans forward... you can detect the anger and bitterness. The second time he sings "I love you" (1:27), it's different... he does it in a more wistful manner. Notice the barely audible sigh that follows. That's some real character development going on under 2 minutes, in this unusually complex song that falls somewhere between a love song and a break-up song.

The Hollies - Bus Stop

It's all about the vocal and guitar harmonies.

Eddie Cochran - Summertime Blues

Gene Pitney - Town Without Pity

Gene Pitney, who died earlier this year, was one of the great singer-songwriters of the early 1960s.

Little Richard - Lucille

Another one of those great singers of all time forgotten by Clear Channel and Infinity Broadcasting.

Will the Tonics turn into this?

We'd look kickass with an upright bass, don't you think?

Another rehearsal

The Tonics are looking more and more like an oldies act everyday. Today, they added the following to their repertoire:

Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs - Stay
The Beatles - Hold Me Tight
Del Shannon - Runaway
Radiohead - Street Spirit (Fade Out)
Tommy James & The Shondells - Crimson And Clover

At this rate, they're going to be touring the retirement homes in a few months. Way to go, guys.

15 years on

Today is the 15th anniversary of Freddie Mercury's death.

Rehearsal, for what?

A few months ago, the Tonics were on the verge of indie pop stardom with several Hollywood gigs and the release of their brilliant debut album, Get Things Done.

How quickly things change! The Tonics have apparently stepped away from the verge and back into garage band territory. Just look at today's rehearsal program:

The Zombies - Tell Her No
Al Green - Let's Stay Together
Tommy James & The Shondells - I Think We're Alone Now
The Everly Brothers - All I Have To Do Is Dream
The Beatles - Nowhere Man
The Beatles - She Loves You
The Velvet Underground - Sunday Morning
Brenton Wood - Gimme Little Sign
The Beach Boys - Don't Worry Baby
Sculpted Static - Lorem Ipsum

Notice the total absence of any original material. What happened to the creativity?? Have Mark and the bean counter given up on songwriting?? Okay, we know the corporate whore-for-it has sold his soul to the man, but what about the next superstar with a goatee?? What happened to "Our House"?

Rehearsal

Today, Mark, Arta and the sell-out reconvened in a cavern underneath South Pasadena: Arta with his Dean Palomino, Mark with his trademark acoustic guitar, and the corporate whore with his old RadioShack keyboard. They played the Zombies' "Tell Her No," Al Green's "Let's Stay Together," Roy Orbison's "In Dreams" and "Oh Pretty Woman," and the Beatles' "Anna" and "Don't Let Me Down." Are they turning into a 1960s cover band? Only time will tell.

"Help! The drums and instruments on my 60s records are panned to one side, and it's annoying as fuck!"

----Sounds like a job for Somewhat Mono, a Winamp plug-in that'll mix everything down to mono.

"Neon Phosphor! Have you left us?"

----No, I just wanted to make y'all frustrated from the lack of witticism.

Great moments in rock and roll: the whisper

"Why don't you update your blog more often?"

----Because I don't like answering questions from pestering pests like you. Bugger off.

"Are the Tonics doing anything right now?"----Breathing.

Great moments in rock and roll: The Marvelettes

"Yesterday"

The Beatles performed a full-band version of "Yesterday" when they toured Japan in 1966. Can we do the same thing with "Elegy For Anne Bancroft?"

Great moments in rock and roll: the meta-moment

For our purposes, the meta-moment is when a song refers to its own performance (usually in the form of naming its singers). Think of it as an actor breaking the fourth wall, talking to the audience and forcing the audience to remember that the play and the characters are not real.

The Beatles - "Boys"
(1:04): Ringo says, "All right, George!" before the guitar solo.

The Beatles - "Honey Don't"
(1:15): Ringo says, "Aw, rock on George. One time for me."
(2:20): Ringo says, "Aw, rock on George. For Ringo one time."

Pixies - "Tony Theme"
(0:00): This moment was previously featured in the spoken-word episode of Great Moments. Kim Deal says, "This is a song about a superhero named Tony. It's called 'Tony's Theme.'" And so it is. Watch a live performance below:



Radiohead - "My Iron Lung"
(2.47): Thom Yorke sings, "This, this is our new song, just like the last one. A total waste of time, my iron lung." ("My Iron Lung" is Radiohead's follow-up single to "Creep." The electric guitars even quote the infamous crunch from "Creep.")

The Beatles - "Get Back" (rooftop version)
(2:30): During the coda, Paul says, "Get back. You've been out too long Loretta, you've been singing on the roofs again. And that's no good. 'Cause you know your mommy doesn't like that. When she gets angry, she's going to have you arrested." The line makes more sense when you consider that the song was being performed on the roof of the Apple studios just as the police were about to shut it down.

This is a really fun video because we see John playing lead guitar and George having a problem with his amp.



Paul McCartney - "Silly Love Songs"
(0:39): McCartney spends a whole verse justifying this song's existence: "Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs. And what's wrong with that? I'd like to know. 'Cause here I go again: I love you, I love you..."

Jay-Z feat. UGK - "Big Pimpin'"
(1:34 and others): "It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N B." This line refers to the three rappers on this song: Jay-Z (Jigga Man), Pimp C and Bun B. Pimp C and Bun B are the two members of the hip-hop duo UGK (short for Underground Kingz).

Gwen Stefani feat. Eve - "Rich Girl"
(2:51): Yet another hip-hop meta-moment. Eve raps, "See Stefani and her L.A.M.B., I rock the Fetish People, you know who I am."

Queen - "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
(1:52): Freddie Mercury sings, "Take a long ride on my motorbike until I'm ready," and the harmonies respond, "Ready Freddie."



The Beatles - "Only A Northern Song"
The whole song is a meta-moment. Wikipedia explains it best:

The lyrics feature Harrison's disparagement of the song itself, concluding each verse with the title phrase "It's only a Northern song", which Harrison has explained as referring both to the band's often-disrespected hometown of Liverpool (northwest of London), and to the Northern Songs publishing company. (Harrison had not yet formed his own publishing company; Northern Songs was Lennon/McCartney's publishing company, for whom Harrison was, at the time, essentially a writer-for-hire). The song is sometimes interpreted as a sarcastic jibe at Lennon/McCartney, mocking the overtly psychedelic lyrics and musical style they employed in many songs during this time, and as a reaction to the often-dismissive attitude bandmates John Lennon and Paul McCartney held of Harrison's songwriting contributions, with Harrison listlessly singing "It doesn't really matter what chords I play / What words I say or time of day it is / As it's only a Northern song".

Sly and the Family Stone - "Dance To The Music"
(beginning at 0:39):
"All we need is a drummer, for people who only need a beat" (drum solo follows)
"I'm gonna add a little guitar and make it easy to move your feet" (lead guitar comes in)
"I'm gonna add some bottom, so that the dancers just won't hide" (bass guitar comes in)
"You might like to hear my organ playing 'Ride Sally Ride'" (organ comes in)
"You might like to hear the horns blowin', Cynthia on the throne, yeah!" (horns come in)



The Monkees - "The Monkees Theme"
(1:13 and others) "Hey, hey, we're the Monkees/ And people say we monkey around/ But we're too busy singin'/ To put anybody down."

Despite the fact that the meta-moment is one of Arta's favorite things in the world, The Tonics have yet to use it in one of their songs. The closest we have is Mark singing about his "creative self-hatred" and "I'm a jingle I'm so useless."

"Let's Stay Together"

This is Al Green.

"Jaan Pehechaan Ho"

Sung by Mohammed Rafi. This scene is originally from the 1966 Bollywood movie Gumnaam. It is also featured in the opening credits to Ghost World.

"Are you trying to follow in the footsteps of Internet phenomenon Clap Your Hands Say Yeah?"

----Hell no. Someone needs to cover up their footprints with some fresh sod. Why are people still listening to this retro dance synth shit with whiny vocals? That's mating the worst of the 80s with the worst of the 90s. Oh yeah, because Pitchfork gave them a 9.0 and said their "garish foyer gives out onto spacious, elegant chambers of clean lines and soft lights."

"But doesn't 'Save The Day' sound a lot like the 80s?"----Yes, but our singer sounds like Morrissey and our beat changes frequently like a Pixies song. Plus, the hot guitar. "Save The Day" is the best of the 80s, in just under three minutes.

"Street Spirit (Fade Out)"

Let's hear some Radiohead.

"Be My Baby"

Today's video pick is the Ronettes' "Be My Baby."

"Across The Universe"

Neon Phosphor is going to play video deejay for a while, at least until Tonics business picks up. Today we spotlight Fiona Apple's brilliant cover of John Lennon's "Across The Universe."

George Harrison and plagiarism

In 1971, George Harrison was sued for plagiarizing The Chiffon's "He's So Fine" on "My Sweet Lord." You can read all about it here. Neon Phosphor believes the plagiarism charges were unfounded and ridiculous, and even if Harrison did copy the melody, "My Sweet Lord" is a vast improvement over "He's So Fine."

The reason for this post, however, is to show an interesting similarity between Harrison's 1979 hit "Blow Away," and Enya's 1988 hit "Orinoco Flow."

Here's the music video to "Blow Away":



And here's Enya:



"Blow away, blow away, blow away" versus "Sail away, sail away, sail away." Coincidence? Probably.

"Do the Tonics plagiarize?"----See the list below:

• The opening chords of "Sunday Night" are lifted from Dave Clark Five's "Because"
• The organ part during the second half of the "Mean Song" verse is from Del Shannon's "Runaway."
• The "ba ba ba ba" harmonies on "Distance" is based on "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys.
• "Save The Day" borrows from Depeche Mode's "Enjoy The Silence" and The Strokes' "The End Has No End."
  
• The beginning of "Get Things Done" is "Embarrassment" by Madness (according to Johnny Cashpoint of somesongs.com)
• The guitar riff on "Lucy" is a modified version of Nirvana's "All Apologies" riff.
  
• The inclusion of "Bartleby" rips off Pet Sounds in a conceptual way.
• The harmonies at the end of "Lucy Tricked Me Into Something" is similar to "Because" on The Beatles' Abbey Road. Also, the descending flute/organ part is a conscious attempt to copy that flourish on the second verse of "God Only Knows."
  
• The ooh-la-las on the third verse of "Hamlet" is from The Beatles' "You Won't See Me."
• The electric piano on "Greenback" is a lot like the one on The Doors' "Riders On The Storm."
  
• The verses of "Love Makes People Stupid" rip off the whole genre of flamenco music.
  
• "Elegy For Anne Bancroft" rips off "Neon Phosphor" by Sculpted Static.
• "Thank You" is so completely ripped off Sculpted Static that it is literally the same take of the song that appeared on Sunny Ash.

The Pipettes

There is a girl-group in England called The Pipettes. Take a look at their mission statement:

LET US write the histories of pop music (the plural has a certain importance). A history at once oral/aural but not linear or progressive. A history that snakes and twists and turns back on itself, a history of ruptures and wrong-turnings. But let us not start with The Beatles. . . let us start in the year Phil Spector wrote and produced his first hit, "To Know Him Is To Love Him", taking the title from his father's epitaph. Phil Spector, the first Tycoon of Teen, the first Pop Genius, the first person making this crazy new music who was actually of the age of its audience, the first guy with any power in the music industry who actually liked this stuff.

Yes, and their music does sound a lot like The Ronettes. Especially "Feminist Complaints," which you can listen to on their Myspace. It's only 1:53!

The only reservation I have about this group is that they were manufactured. You know, like The Monkees and The Spice Girls. According to Wikipedia, "The promoter Monster Bobby formed the group with the intention of reviving the traditional Phil Spector pop sound and giving it a modern twist. To this end he recruited three frontwomen to be the public face of the group."

Not that there's anything wrong with that, as long as great music gets done. The Monkees, of course, showcased Neil Diamond's excellent songwriting. Most orchestras and drama companies recruit their members.

Whatever they are controlled by, The Pipettes stand for the rewriting of history; they actually acknowledge the existence of pop music before The Beatles. That's commendable.

Unfortunately, their CD is not sold in the United States and it's $30 if you want to get it imported on Amazon.

Age Watch 2006, or "are we falling behind?"

As of today, the oldest Tonic (except for Alek) has lived 23 years, 7 months and 2 days. At this age, here's what some of the greatest artists are doing:

• Buddy Holly has been dead for more than a year.
• A few months before committing suicide, Ian Curtis records "Love Will Tear Us Apart" with Joy Division.
• Morrissey has just formed The Smiths. They are five months away from releasing their first single, "Hand In Glove."
• Brian Wilson is recording the instrumental tracks for Pet Sounds.
• John Lennon is filming and recording the soundtrack for A Hard Day's Night.
• Phil Spector has nearly finished with The Ronettes and is preparing to record "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" with The Righteous Brothers.
• Eric Clapton is about to release Disraeli Gears with his band Cream.
• A year before his breakthrough, Jimi Hendrix forms a band in New York and meets Frank Zappa, who introduces Hendrix to the wah-wah pedal.
• Roger Waters is recording Piper at the Gates of Dawn with the original Pink Floyd lineup with Syd Barrett. He is about seven years away from Dark Side of the Moon.
• Syd Barrett comes out of retirement to record The Madcap Laughs, his first solo album.
• Elliott Smith is still playing in Heatmiser, and is a year away from recording his first solo album, Roman Candle.
• Thom Yorke is five months away from releasing "Creep" with Radiohead.
• Conor Oberst is busy promoting his breakthrough album, Lifted or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground, released a year earlier.
• Lisa Loeb is playing coffeehouses in New York, and has three years to wait until her breakthrough single, "Stay (I Missed You).
  
• Kurt Cobain is a year away from recording Nevermind (including "Smells Like Teen Spirit") with Nirvana.
  
• Jack White has just finished recording The White Stripes' debut album.
• Gwen Stefani and No Doubt are two years away from commercial success.
• Black Francis is recording Doolittle with The Pixies.
  
• Stuart Murdoch is still struggling with chronic fatigue syndrome, and is four years away from forming Belle & Sebastian.
• Debbie Harry has not yet begun her musical career, and is seven years from her debut record with Blondie.
• Chris Martin (of Coldplay) introduces the world to "Yellow."
  
• Jim Morrison and The Doors have hit #1 on the charts with "Light My Fire."
  
• Avril Lavigne has not lived that long.

Non-musical artists tend to be a bit slower:

• Wallace Stevens has just graduated from law school, and he will work the next twenty years at various law firms and insurance firms before publishing his first book of poetry.
• T. S. Eliot is a Ph.D student in philosophy. He has already composed most of "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" but is ten years from composing The Waste Land.
• Sylvia Plath, a Fulbright scholar at Cambridge, is getting ready to marry fellow poet Ted Hughes. She is four years from publishing her first collection of poetry.
• James Joyce is teaching English in Austria-Hungary. Dubliners will come in nine years. Ulysses, seventeen years.
• Vincent van Gogh has quit his job at an art dealer, gotten jilted by a love interest, taken up religion, and gone to England to work at a boarding school. In four years, he will decide to be an artist.
• Yoko Ono composes "Lighting Piece" ("Light a match and watch till it goes out.") about seven years before Fluxus is organized, and ten years before she meets John Lennon.
• Andy Warhol is working in the commercial arts industry. In two years, he will self-publish a book called 25 Cats Name Sam and One Blue Pussy. The silkscreens will happen about five years later.
  
• Pablo Picasso paints Garçon à la pipe during his "Rose Period."

Great moments in rock and roll: the misleading count-in

Smashing Pumpkins - 1979
The song fades in with a quiet 4/4 beat for a few bars, but the song resets itself on the 'and' beat. That is, count 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 1 and 2 and so on.

The Beach Boys - Caroline No
We hear two complete repetitions of the drum pattern (three beats of the high-pitched sound followed by the echoey conga drum), and only two beats into the third repetition, the song begins and resets the counting.

Outkast - Hey Ya
The singer counts in 1-2-3 before the song starts on the next beat. This would be fine if the song were in 3/4, but it is actually in 4/4. Therefore, the song sounds like it has started a beat early.

Radiohead - Sulk
Phil's fill into the song happens on an unexpected beat.

Pixies - Oh My Golly!
I don't even know what time signature the drum intro is in. Unless you've memorized the song, it's pretty difficult to anticipate the start of the song.

Queen - Killer Queen
If you pay attention, you will notice 6 fingersnaps counting into the 4/4 song.

The Smith - This Charming Man
Start counting from the beginning of Johnny Marr's riff and you will find that it counts 15 beats (one beat short of four 4/4 measures) before the song kicks into a 4/4 beat. Is it prog?

The Beatles - Taxman
There are actually two count-ins. The voice in the foreground is counting to a different tempo from the song. Near the end of the intro, we hear a "real" count-in happening in the background.

I'm back!!!

I'm exhausted from a week of traveling and coming back to find out all the shit that's been happening to my blog and web site. I'm going to say, first of all, I don't hate the band and I didn't blow up the cube.

Secondly, I wasn't out to kill myself, you miserable fuckers. I was going on a long walk. Literally. And where did I go? It's really none of your business, but in the interest of clearing things up, I was on a backpacking trip through Europe. First stop, the wineries of the Czech Republic. I got totally plastered wandering through Moravia's 11,000 hectares of wineyards. Next stop, the wine country surrounding Bordeaux in France. Okay, so I was having such a great time I don't remember anything, but here's the web site. Then, I stumbled into the Père Lachaise in Paris, where Jim Morrison is buried. Over his grave, I downed a bottle of whiskey in his honor. Yes, I got the whiskey from a convenient store, and it was very convenient.

So, yeah. Neon Phosphor had a pretty good time. But then I logged onto the blog at an Internet cafe in Amsterdam, and what do I see? That bastard taking over my blog.

I came back on Friday morning and saw that little shit sitting on my Blogger Dashboard, and he threatens to turn me in for blowing up the cube. The nerve! I was like, I wasn't even there, what the hell are you talking about? Then, the police came and took me in for questioning. I was like, I didn't do anything, I wasn't even there, why don't you ask Pascal 'cause he's the one who probably wanted to frame me? I told the police to go check Pascal's secret hideout, behind the holes in the schedules and the holes in the walls. Sure enough, when they did, they found the weapons of mass destruction: a copy of Photoshop and Dreamweaver that was used to blow up the cube. Then, Pascal confessed to his crime and they put him away.

It turns out he always wanted to be the mighty Tonics publicist and then took advantage of my vacation to pull off his miserable scheme. Yes, we were friends when we were young, but he got jealous when I appeared on Sound Check and he didn't. And when I cashed in bigtime on the sale of my chords to "Anne Bancroft," Pascal got really pissed. But I didn't think he would ever act on his anger.

Well, as he was being escorted to the police van, Pascal had one more thing to say: "It was a great idea! It was a great idea! Was a great idea but never in practice." Indeed.

As they say, it's "back to regular programming" on this blog. Fuck.

"Readers have questioned your ability to carry on this blog, particularly because of your lack of humor."

----What readers need to understand is that I take this blog a lot more seriously than my predecessor. I'm not here to waste your time, people. This is going to be a serious blog about serious music. You know how Neon used to bash Pitchfork Media? I never understood why. I think Pitchfork's where you can get the most intelligent reviews from today's best writers. I think I'm doing this blog a favor, actually.

"It has been reported that your musical taste conflicts with the band's."----I don't think that's really a problem. I'm not the one writing the songs, anyway. I like the Tonics' music, especially during their early progressive phase when they were actually creating new sounds and experimenting with forms like the rock opera. They showed great promise back then, and if they go back to their roots, I think they can produce more artistically challenging and satisfying songs.

"You're not a musician, are you?"----No, and I don't see how that impairs my ability to write about music and serve as the Tonics' publicist.

"And I understand you have something against 1960s pop."---I know Neon and several of the Tonics adore "Be My Baby," but I don't particularly care for it. I don't think Phil Spector was an artist; he merely stumbled on a formula that happened to be commercially viable. Similarly, I don't rate Brian Wilson as highly as, say, Robert Fripp and Brian Eno. And the Beatles? Overrated. If they weren't singing about girls, they were singing about drugs and sunshine. Did they ever make you think? No.

"Don't you think the readers you inherited from Neon Phosphor will be upset about your views?"----I don't think so.

"Will they rebuild the cube?"

----It's too early to tell whether they will rebuild the cube, construct a monument in its place, or leave it as is.

"How are the Tonics taking this?"----The Tonics are naturally upset by the news.

"Your answers, they are so straightforward."----Oh yes, I don't believe in obstructing good journalism. The best publicist is an honest publicist.

Oh dear...

Is Neon Phosphor not only a disgruntled employee, but also a criminal?

Neon had plenty of reasons to blow up the cube: Neon disliked working at the Tonics' press office, especially when he was criticized by members of the Tonics. Neon was disappointed that the Tonics had not yet achieved stardom. On top of that, the Tonics stole Neon's chords and transplanted it in "Elegy For Anne Bancroft."

Ever since "Anne Bancroft," Neon Phosphor has walked around without his chords. It was as if someone ripped out Neon's heart and threw it into the trash can.

One can imagine that, in the last few days, Neon has "slipped back inside/ All alone inside/ Except for the liquor he borrowed."

So desperate to make a point, Neon decided to pack the cube with explosives, and blow it up to smithereens.

There's only one problem: how did Neon get all the explosives in there? On Saturday, the authorities had searched every corner of the building for signs of Neon. They did not find any explosives. The building was then fenced off. Neon could not have gotten in unnoticed. A crowd had gathered there by the time the investigators finished searching the building.

I was personally across the street from the cube at the time of the blast, trying to obtain comments from everyone. Maybe Neon snuck in while we all had our backs turned? It was quite late at night, quite dark...

I wonder if, in the course of my journalism, I had distracted myself and others from noticing that someone was sneaking in a dolly full of explosives. How horrible that would be!

How am I going to sleep tonight!

And Neon! There's a terrorist on the run.

CUBE DESTROYED

At around 11pm, an explosion occurred on the Sculpted Static web page. The cube, a longtime symbol of the band, was destroyed in the incident.

No one was inside the cube during the blast. The cube had been fenced off from the public since yesterday. Initial reports indicate there were no injuries. All Tonics staff members have been accounted for.

Only hours ago, investigators had found evidence of recent habitation by Neon Phosphor inside the cube (see article below).

Neon Phosphor leaves a clue

Ever since losing domain-name status earlier this year, the Sculpted Static website has been a ghost town. Today, however, the town was abuzz with activity again as investigators continued their search for the lost Neon Phosphor.

Early this morning, a witness reported seeing a disoriented Neon Phosphor stumbling out of the cube and disappearing into the car.

Sure enough, investigators found evidence that the Tonics' publicist had stayed in the cube overnight. The second floor of the cube had the smell of fresh urine, the investigators reported. More telling is a message on the wall that read, "i piss on this wall -np."

"It is unlike Neon to vandalize our own property, but we take it as a sign that Neon is alive and on the run," said a source close to the band who wished to remain anonymous. "Of course, we cannot rule out the possibility that the message was left behind by someone else with the initials NP. But I highly doubt it."

An exclusive interview with Steven Chow

P: I am Pascal.

SC: what do you want, Pascal the Rascal?

P: The media has speculated that Neon Phosphor may have run away because of an abusive e-mail you sent to Neon on August 27. Would you care to comment?

SC: neon is one of the rudest writers in the world. how can he/she/it, whatever neon is, be hurt by a little memo? neon reads and writes that kind of shit everyday. there are deeper issues at work here. neon probably listened to "Hamlet" one too many times. if that is the case, i take partial responsibility.

P: Do you have any idea where Neon is?

SC: i bet neon's out drinking. but seriously we don't have too many clues.

Pascal appointed acting publicist

The Tonics announced today that Pascal will fill in the role of acting publicist, effective immediately.

"Pascal grew thirty by the book, and I am confident that Pascal will grow thirty by the blog," said Mark Williams, guitarist and singer in the Tonics.

Pascal, who joined the band in 2001 as a lyric, has spent much of the last five years living on Sculpted Static's Soundclick page.

"It is not ideal that I should have to accept the position under these circumstances," said Pascal. "But I know this is a job that has to be done, and I feel honored to have been selected. Neon and I go way back. We spent most of our childhood playing around Bm and Em before Neon moved on to more chords. I hope I won't have this job for too long, because like everyone else, I would like to see Neon on the blog again."

Neon Phosphor is missing

The following is a joint statement from the five members of the Tonics:

Neon Phosphor, our publicist, has disappeared.

Neon Phosphor showed up to work yesterday and left a note saying, "I am going for a long walk." Immediately after updating the blog at 11:44 AM Pacific Time, Neon clocked out normally and left the Blogger Dashboard. A Blogger staff member in the parking lot observed Neon driving towards the information superhighway.

Numerous attempts to contact Neon Phosphor via phone, e-mail, and text-messaging have been unsuccessful.

Neon Phosphor joined us as a lyric in summer 2001 and has been our publicist since December 2004. We are very upset and in shock over the news, but we are cooperating with the authorities who are handling this case. We are asking the public for any information that will lead to Neon's safe return.

NOTICE

I AM GOING FOR A LONG WALK. -NEON PHOSPHOR

"I heard Steven's going to record an album of video game music on his Korg. Is that true?"

----Huh, I don't know. Let's hear from the artist himself:

neon, next time you forward me a stupid question like that, you're fired. you got that? we didn't hire you to waste our time, we hired you to answr [sic] questions from the stupid media. that's why you're our public fucking relations manager. of course i'm not recording an album of video game music!!!!!! why couldn't you figure this one out? and by the way, i'm really disappointed with the blog. you're supposed to update everyday. don't you ever think about your readers? now do your job, do it well and quit bothering me. -sc

"Are the Tonics embracing YouTube as the new way to reach the Generation Y market?"

----No, they embrace trees. They are a bunch of treehuggers.

"Critics have noted similarities between 'Get Things Done' and Sleater-Kinney's 'Dig Me Out.'"

----It's true. They're both available on CD.

What you find when you Google yourself

I found a review of the Sculpted Static website on something called the Unlikely Glossary Project. I don't know what it is (I can only access it through the Google cache) but I suspect it's made by one of Arta's friends.

The band has a website that is virtually impossible to navigate, by being purely symbolic and textless. It’s a huge ass-pain. You are encouraged to insult the website at its "scrawlwall". You are encouraged to use Dirty Sanskrit.

Update: Apparently, "Sculpted Static" is now called "The Tonics."

Now here's an interesting one. It is a forum post by a high school friend who produced artwork for us during the Heart of Darkness days.

The only band that I listened to recently is Sculpted Static. Why? The short explaination is, I have no taste in music. Here's the long explaination: A couple of years ago, back in high school, a couple of friends and acquaintances of mine decided to start a band. I told them something to the effect of "but you suck" / "it will never work out". They currently have two albums out, and actual fans... :p I still say that they stink though. Some of their songs are good, but the percentage is too low to justify the effort for me. The moral of the story is: I have no taste in music. Some of them are going to hunt me down now... But I regret nothing.

The Song Tapper

Check this out, this thing really works when you don't know the name of the song and you don't know the lyrics. You just have to tap the space bar to the melody and the web site tells you the name of the song. Except it doesn't work for the Tonics' songs. "Distance" comes out as "Perfect Druge" by Nine Inch Nails.

Great moments in rock and roll: spoken word

Spoken word is different from rap in that it does not follow the rhythm of the music. Well-known examples include: "All right, George!" and "Rock me, Joey Santiago." This article pays tribute to spoken words that play an even bigger role in the rock and roll song:

Morrissey - "At Last I Am Born"
(0:40) "Look at me now. From difficult child to spectral hand to Claude Brasseur-oh-blah blah blah."
A voice sounds naked when it isn't wrapped up behind a melody. It works for this song because Morrissey is singing about having sex, or so we are led to believe.

Darlene Love - "White Christmas"
(1:20) "The sun is shining, the grass is green/ The orange and palm trees sway/ There's never been such a day, in old L.A./ But it's December the 24th, and I'm longing to be up north/ So I can have my very own white Christmas."
A classic example of a spoken verse on top of background singing.

The White Stripes - "The Union Forever"
(1:11) "Well I'm sorry but I'm not interested in gold mines, oil wells, shipping or real estate. What would I liked to have been? Everything you hate."
This song contains a lot of spoken word, but these particular lines are spoken with the most natural rhythm.

Blur - "Parklife"
(0:21) "Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur of what is known as... (parklife!)/ And morning soup can be avoided if you take a route straight through what is known as... (parklife!)/ Johns got brewers droop, he gets intimidated by the dirty pigeons - they love a bit of it. (parklife!)/ Who's that gut lord marching? You should cut down on your porklife, mate, get some exercise! (parklife!)"
The speaker is not Damon Albarn; he is English actor Phil Daniels. Spoken word is a good way to showcase your accent or dialect.

The Cranberries - "Yeat's Grave"
(1:19) "Why should I blame her,/ That she filled my days with misery,/ Or that she would of late have taught/ To ignorant men most violent/ Ways or hurled the little streets upon the great./ Had they but courage equal to desire."
This is simply a reading of W. B. Yeat's poem "No Second Troy."

Pixies - "Tony's Theme"
(0:00, 0:55) "This is a song about a superhero named Tony. It's called 'Tony's Theme.'"
It sounds tacked on, but it's really a part of the song. Kim Deal would perform this line in concert.

The Beatles - "Get Back" (single)
(2:38) "Get back Loretta/ Your mommy's waiting for you/ Wearing her high-heel shoes/ And her low-neck sweater/ Get back home Loretta"
It's Paul, speaking with his bluesy voice.

The Big Bopper - "Chantilly Lace"
(0:00) "Hello, baaaaby! Yeah, this is the Big Bopper speakin'. Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, you sweet thing! Do I what? Will I what? Oh baby, you knoooow what I like!"
Probably the most entertaining phone call in rock and roll, from one of the original rock and rollers.

Jack Sheldon - "Conjunction Junction"
(2:00) "In the mornings, when I am usually wide awake, I love to take a walk through the gardens and down by the lake, where I often see a duck and a drake, and I wonder as I walk by just what they'd say if they could speak, although I know that's an absurd thought."
Schoolhouse Rock! is one of the greatest things that ever happened on TV. The second greatest is Eureka!, a Canadian cartoon about science.

Spoken word is a dangerous device because it can easily make the song too melodramatic. It is, therefore, commonly used in motivational/inspirational songs, religious songs, and over-the-top love songs, such as our following example.

Elvis Presley - "Are You Lonesome Tonight?"
(1:27) "I wonder if you're lonesome tonight/ You know someone said that the world's a stage/ And each must play a part/ Fate had me playing in love, you as my sweet heart/ Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance/ You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue/ Then came act two, you seemed to change and you acted strange/ And why I'll never know/ Honey, you lied when you said you loved me..."
It goes on, complete with heavy reverb. The best part of the speech is when it ends and Elvis' phenomenal singing voice returns with a vengeance.

Sculpted Static used spoken word on the "Scramble For Loot" section of Heart of Darkness: The Rock Opera. Arta used his voice to great effect on lines such as, "Yes, they call me Kurtz,/ And damn the rhetoric;/ Your ivory’s all I seek."

On the unreleased recording "Jaguar," Steven says, "Jaguar. Select Edition. Certified Pre-Owned. Previously owned/ The heart of performance..."

"Your publicist is pretty cute. Can I have her number?"

----I'm sorry, I only date people of my kind. For example: fictional bloggers, cartoon characters, and superheroes.

"But I am a fictional reporter! No one's really asking these questions."----You and I have something in common. Let's have a drink at this imaginary cafe.

Great moments in rock and roll: "Is She Weird"

This post is about three ways to lead into the chorus, as demonstrated by Pixies' "Is She Weird," off Bossanova.

0:34 - Hesitate: We hear the first line of the chorus, "Is she weird," before a slight pause (as though the singer came in too early and corrected himself). Then, the chorus kicks in from the beginning.

1:27 - Go into a bridge: After teasing us with the first line of the chorus, "Is she weird," the singer takes us into a completely different direction with "Is she over me/ Like the stars and the sun/ Like the stars and the sun" before transitioning smoothly into the chorus.

2:20 - Get right into the chorus: Also, Kim Deal joins in the singing for the last chorus.

"I have a question."

----So? Go take some medicine for it.

"We, the concerned members of the public, couldn't help but notice that Arta has not been seen with the band for any of the promotional activities since June. Is he dead?"----Let's put it this way: James Dean has not attended any of our press conferences and album signings, and is he dead? Yes.

"Is 'Mean Song' baroque pop?"

----No! It's so obviously Renaissance pop.

Great moments in rock and roll: the chorus-verse switch

There are countless ways to go from the chorus back to the verse. Sometimes, you hang out for a few bars before starting up the verse. Or, you go into a guitar solo. Or, you go into a bridge before coming back to the verse. This blog post will celebrate some of the more creative solutions:

Overlapping with a tail
The Mamas and the Papas - "Dedicated To The One I Love"
At 0:55, the chorus ends with the tail: "This is dedicated to the one I love" but the word "love" becomes the first word of the ensuing verse: "Love can never be exactly like we want it to be." Brilliant, and no time wasted between the chorus and the verse!

The Beach Boys - "Let Him Run Wild"
The tail comes, almost awkwardly, after few bars of instrumental contemplation. We hear "Guess you know I've waited for you girl" (1:27) and before we can wonder, "What the hell was that?" it leads right into the familiar verse.

Instrument in place of singing
The Kinks - "Do You Remember Walter?"
At 0:47, we are tricked into thinking the song has turned into an instrumental. But no, the organ's only playing the first notes of the verse before the vocalist picks up the melody mid-line. Someone deserves a gold star for this moment.

Disguise the verse
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Rich"
The instrumentation during the final verse (1:55) is completely different from the first verse, despite having the exact same vocal melody and lyrics.

When all else fails
Herman's Hermits - "I'm Henry the Eighth, I Am"
Just say, "Second verse, same as the first!"

Great moments in rock and roll: the punch

The punch is a single-note (or sometimes several quick notes) played for emphasis by an instrument that otherwise has little or no role in the song. Often, it is used to mark the beginning or the end of a section.

Al Green - "Let's Stay Together"
The trumpets' two-note attack introduces the chorus (1:25), wakes us up from the sparse instrumentation of the verses.

Elton John - "Honky Cat"
Heard throughout the chorus, especially at the beginning of the chorus (0:57), when the tenor saxophones play a two-note motif followed quickly by a single accented trumpet note.

The Beatles - "I'm Looking Through You"
The verse is just acoustic guitar, bass and drums, when bam! the end of the verse is punctuated by several organ chords over guitar riffage. (0:28)

TLC - "Waterfalls"
More subtle than the two examples above. A single trumpet note with a hint of glissando introduces each verse. (0:34, 1:40)

"So, what's in store for the Tonics?"

----According to our in-house accountant, that would be raw materials, works-in-progress and finished goods. Incidentally, our works-in-progress inventory includes a song called "The CPI Song" that has lyrics like: "Let's go measuring prices with the CPI/ Consumer Pricing Index/ From the Bureau of Labor Statistics."

Here's a question for you: Steven purchased his $250 RadioShack keyboard in May 2001, with an estimated 4-year-life and a residual value of $50. What is the depreciation expense for 2001, if their year-end is Dec. 31? And what is the net book value of the keyboard on Dec. 31, 2001?

"What is the method of depreciation?"----Straight-line.

"Okay, depreciation expense is ($250-$50)/4 years = $50 per year. Multiply that by 8/12 and you get about $33. The net book value is $250-$33 = $217."----Very good.

"I read on the blogosphere that the Tonics' next album will be entirely musique concrète."

----I hate bloggers who'll just make shit up when they have nothing to say.

Great moments in rock and roll: B&S lyrics

It is an unofficial policy of this band and this blog to stay away from Belle & Sebastian because they are twee, despite being the industry leader in the area of indie pop. Today we make a lyrical exception to this rule by spotlighting the brilliantly constructed verse from Belle & Sebastian's "I Love My Car," available on the Push Barman To Open Old Wounds compilation album, or if you work for--I mean contribute to--Pitchfork, the I'm Waking Up To Us EP. The verse occurs at 2:15 into the song.

"I love my Carl/ I love my Brian my Dennis and my Al/ I could even find it in my heart to love Mike Love"

This verse is brilliant for several reasons: 1) It is a play on the regular lyrical hook "I love my car." 2) It incorporates the names of all five original Beach Boys. 3) The last line hints at the popular perception that Mike Love is the "villain" who hindered Brian Wilson's artistic progress.

Spotlight on Syd Barrett: Part 3

Here is the promotional video for "Arnold Layne," Pink Floyd's first hit.

Spotlight on Syd Barrett: Part 2

"Bike"
When you're mad, or a genius, or both, like Syd Barrett, your conventional sense of rhythm flies out the window. "Bike" is mostly in 4/4 time, but with one or two extra beats sprinkled in here and there. Amateurs who try this trick usually make it too obvious, but on "Bike," Barrett is able to insert these extra beats seamlessly and naturally. He doesn't seem to think in 4/4 time, he's just singing freely, as you would if you were humming to yourself walking down the road. Of his contemporaries, only the Beatles have been able to work in these natural time-signature changes, as seen on "All You Need Is Love," "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds," and "Here Comes The Sun."

The other interesting note about "Bike" is that Syd Barrett sings "You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world" on a slide melody. That means he starts the line on the top note (A) and smoothly descends to the bottom note (D). Since there are more syllables than notes along the way, he actually sings some quarter-tones (notes that are in between consecutive keys, therefore unplayable, on the western keyboard).

Spotlight on Syd Barrett: Part 1

This week, we're going to honor the memory of Syd Barrett by highlighting some of his work.

"Candy And A Currant Bun"
This is a little known B-side of "Arnold Layne," Pink Floyd's first hit. The main innovation of this 1967 song is its radio-unfriendly lyrics: "Oooh, don't talk to me/ Please, just fuck with me/ Please you know I'm feeling frail." And you thought the Rolling Stones were explicit in their treatment of sex.

The harmony vocals are Roger Waters or Richard Wright wailing on a slide melody, years before Thom Yorke would use that technique.

Despite the fact that Pink Floyd was known as a psychedelic jam band even during the Barrett era, most of their recordings actually clocked in under 3 minutes. "Candy" is 2:47 long.

Syd Barrett

We mourn the death of Syd Barrett, founding member and original frontman of Pink Floyd. Barrett made a few singles and only one album ("The Piper at the Gates of Dawn") with Pink Floyd, but his work has remained highly influential and relevant to this day. He was a pop genius with an ear for catchy melodies who was barely 22 when he retired from music.

Sculpted Static (our old band) counted Pink Floyd as a key influence, and performed Barrett's "Astronomy Domine" twice during the early 2000s.

"What's 'Bartleby' about?"

----It's about time we had an instrumental.

"I mean, is it a musical interpretation of Herman Melville's 'Bartleby the Scrivener'?"----No, we just liked the name. Sorry to disappoint you.

"Do you consider yourselves part of the L.A. music scene?"

----No. We are part of the L.A. music backstage.

"What do you mean?"----2:56.

"Excuse me?"----That's the arithmetic mean of the lengths of the songs on our album. That's what you're asking, right?

"You're weird."----No, I'm Neon Phosphor.

An exclusive interview with Steven Chow

NP: I AM NEON PHOSPHOR.

SC: i know, and i'm not feeling too creative today, let's just get this over with.

NP: MY READERS WANT TO KNOW: DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTROYING INSTRUMENTS ON STAGE?

SC: it depends on the method. smashing a guitar is too clichéd. i prefer burning and axing. i think we should bring a heavy-duty tree grinder to our next concert.

NP: DO YOU GO THROUGH ANY RITUALS BEFORE OR AFTER A CONCERT?

SC: before the concert, we usually listen to oldies radio, especially "everlasting love" by the love affair.

NP: WHAT'S THE BEST DRINK TO HAVE BEFORE PLAYING?

SC: soda pop (go the tonics). otherwise i'd fall asleep.

NP: DO YOU EVER GET TIRED OF PLAYING OLD SONGS LIKE "LUCY" AND "TELEGRAPH AVENUE" WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE NEW SONGS IN THE PIPELINE?

SC: telegraph's retired. and i never practice lucy for fun. i'm not really into those ballads for solo piano. lucy's much better with the band.

NP: WE KNOW YOU LIKE OLD MUSIC. BUT ARE THERE ANY NEW BANDS THAT YOU PARTICULARLY LIKE, AND WOULD RECOMMEND?

SC: stereolab

NP: WHAT'S THE LAST CONCERT YOU ATTENDED?

SC: last weekend i saw Smash-Up Derby at a festival. they give you twice the hits in the same amount of time, for instance by mashing up nirvana and michael jackson, and the strokes and christina aguilera. good times.

NP: OKAY, STEVEN, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. GOOD AFTERNOON.

SC: later

An exclusive interview with Mark Williams

NP: I AM NEON PHOSPHOR.

MW: hey neon

NP: MY READERS WANT TO KNOW: DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTROYING INSTRUMENTS ON STAGE?

MW: i do not. i know arta offered to put his old lp out to pasture for the first lava lounge gig, but didn't. so i guess the specter of instrumental destruction hangs over the band. keep in mind that we'd need to be booked to play on a stage to smash any instruments there

NP: DO YOU GO THROUGH ANY RITUALS BEFORE OR AFTER A CONCERT?

MW: i drink at whatever point the band lets me. that's more of a habit than a ritual, though

NP: WHAT'S THE BEST DRINK TO HAVE BEFORE PLAYING?

MW: whiskey, it makes you want to yell. that's a lie: of course i drink a gin and tonic

NP: DO YOU EVER GET TIRED OF PLAYING OLD SONGS LIKE "THANK YOU" AND "DISTANCE" WHEN YOU KNOW YOU HAVE NEW SONGS IN THE PIPELINE?

MW: yeah, of course. i never play old songs by myself for enjoyment or practice, though maybe i should, especially for the latter. once we arrange a song as a group, it's not something i feel compelled to work on again, outside of the group. though maybe i should. having said that, it'd be a blast to play "old mcdonald" with the band

NP: WE KNOW YOU LIKE OLD MUSIC. BUT ARE THERE ANY NEW BANDS THAT YOU PARTICULARLY LIKE, AND WOULD RECOMMEND?

MW: no... well, that's not entirely fair. i think the kings of convenience are all right, if a little quiet. and i think the new cat power album might be ok, but who knows. that's about it. i like the replacements, too. they're relatively recent.

NP: WHAT'S THE LAST CONCERT YOU ATTENDED?

MW: sheesh, it's been a while. i went to a student recital in june on campus. the last rock kind of concert, in a venue, was when george clinton and the p funk gang played at the fillmore in may

NP: OKAY, MARK, THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. GOOD AFTERNOON.

MW: take it easy neon

Sculpted Static flashback of the day

"Salvo Social" (2003) was a significant Sculpted Static song for the following reasons:

• It marked the first time the band modulated to a new key in the middle of the song. The change happens at 1:33.
• First use of spoken word in a Sculpted Static song. Steven reads from the USA PATRIOT Act during the verses. The effect was inspired by the Velvet Underground's "The Murder Mystery" from their self-titled album.
• The "drumming" was simply a preset pattern on Steven's RadioShack keyboard. Before "Salvo Social," the band's fake drumming was usually played manually on the keyboard.
• Arta uses a sampler near the end of the song, and it can be heard clearly over the last chord.

Arta played all the guitar parts, and Steven played bass and performed all vocal parts. Mark and Ian were at school and did not play on the recording. However, the song was performed by all members of the band at the No Future Cafe concert.